The Blessed Chaos of Family

Just and Update and a Little Thankfulness

2012-02-27T06:17:00.000-08:00

Last week was my 4th treatment and I can know officially say I am 2/3rds of the way done! YES!!! I did the last treatment inpatient which I think helped because I got plenty of extra fluids. Other than being really tired and nauseaous on Thursday and Friday, I didn't have too many other side effects. I am thankful that it is over with and that I only have 2 more to go. I am also extremely thankful for the clear PET scan. I did have a reaction to 1 of the anti nauseau meds they give me before my treatments. I can no longer take this med but prayerfully it won't effect my treatments much.

I have my fine needle biopsy of my thyroid on Tuesday afternoon. We will see what happens with that...but I am not too concerned. Whatever it is or isn't, God is in control!

This is the BIG week of the move. We are so excited and I am a little overwhelmed. I am at the point, I don't really know what direction to go. I am really trying not to stress though. I know one way or another it will all get done. I am extremely excited and thankful for this move. We can not wait to be in a quieter neighborhood for multiple reasons. I am praying that it will be easier to get to know our neighbors. We are looking forward to being able take walks together and to let the kids ride their bikes without worrying about traffic. It will also be nice to really plant roots and feel at home.

We also added to our family this last week. YES I AM CRAZY!!! (we have established this) We had told the kids that we would get a puppy when we moved to the new house and I finished my treatments. But there is a new puppy store in town and we thought we would start researching puppies and getting Ady used to a dog so we went to visit the store. Well, my husband and my kids fell in love with an Italian Greyhound that we have named Champ. I couldn't say no to 6 sets of puppy dog eyes looking at me and saying PLEASE! He is adorable and I must say I am pretty fond of him. He is my type of dog, he pretty much just sits in someones lap and sleeps.

This morning, I am thankful for many things:

Ady's joy over the dog
Ady's joy over music and watching her dance
Mikaelyn's excitement and responsibility she is taking with the dog
Tucker cuddling with the dog before school
Rylan being responsible and taking the dog out to walk
Camp and the fact the registrations have doubled in the last week
All the new campers we will get to meet this year
My friends
The time I got to spend with my friend Amy from Texas
Upcoming visits from family

I could go on and on but I will stop because I need to do lots of other stuff....but I will try to remember to thank God for all the little things in my life throughout the next few days. I will try to not get overwhelmed and grumpy. When I start to get that way, I will stop and count my blessings.

Love, ME

Treatment #4 and Test Results

2012-02-21T11:05:00.000-08:00

I am at the hospital for my 4th chemo treatment. I am doing this one as an inpatient because they want to monitor my heart and get me extra fluids before I go home. It is 2:00 and I have not started my treatment though. I can see that I am going to need extra patience. The nurses are incredibly nice though and I am getting a lot of things done on the computer while I am waiting.

I did get my ultrasound and PET scan results though.

They did see something on my thyroid ultrasound and would like to do a fine needle biopsy. They did not seem to be too concerned though.

The GREAT news is that the PET scan came back clear. Everything looked great!!!!

Anyways, my spirits are high and I know that is partly because of all the prayers going up on my behalf. Thanks again to everyone that is praying with us through this journey. I will say it again: It is so amazing to know that we have an huge and incredible family in Christ that is here to support us along the way. YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!!! and we are increbily blessed. I am thanking God everyday for the works He is doing through this awful thing called cancer.

By the way, Cancun was awesome. I did not get too tired and was able to enjoy and relax by the pool and beach every day of the trip. I loved visiting with the people that Josh works with every day and their spouses. It is always so nice to be able to celebrate their successes together. We have been truly blessed through the company he works for and all the incredible people he works with. I think I gained at least 5 pounds while I was there also. The food was great and plentiful.

We are also about a week away from closing on the house and we are so excited!!! I will be posting more about the days we will be moving and the things we plan to do on those days. We would truly appreciate any help we could get.

Love, ME

Scan Results

2012-02-09T17:51:00.000-08:00

My doctor's nurse called today with 3 things:

1. My bloodwork is good so I am free to go to Cancun. YAY...4 days of relaxing on the beach...bring it on.

2. My CT scan showed 2 things that the doctor is going to look into further. My right side of my thyroid is enlarged so they are ordering an ultrasound of my thyroid. There is also a small postage stamp size spot in my pelvis. They are ordering a PET scan to see if it is active or not. She didn't seem overly concerned with either, just ordering further tests. These results are not overly concerning to me either at this point. This was my very first scan and if that is all they found, I feel pretty blessed. I think that if they were going to scan anyone and be looking at it with the fine tooth comb they are mine, they would probably find something small to take another look at. This is nothing God can't handle.

3. My next chemo will be done in patient so that they can monitor my heart. I will be given extra fluids and be watched closely. She said I should only be there Tuesday and Wednesday, going home Wednesday evening.

Love, Me

Refocus

2012-02-08T05:51:00.000-08:00

I am not a photographer but I have many great friends and family members that take great photos so I know that focus is really important. When they are instructing me on the most important aspects, focus has definitely been part of the discussion. "You want to make sure you are really centered on the main point of the photo and try to get rid of as much of the unwanted back ground as possible." I think my SIL told me this and I have never forgotten it when I am taking pictures. I always try to center on my kids (usually) and then zoom in as much as I can so that I don't get unnecessary background. I also look for places (when possible) that don't have a lot of unneccessary background.

This morning, I am seeing that this tip is really applicable to life in general.

Monday when I was really needing to do laundry and didn't have the energy, I chose to refocus on the joy and laughter of playing with my little Ady instead of the piles of laundry that I couldn't do.

Tuesday when I started to look at camp and the many things that need to get done, I chose to refocus on the many people surrounding me that are willing to jump up and help at the drop of a hat.

Today when I am climbing the stairs and feel like an 80 year old woman, I am choosing to refocus my eyes on God and to say "Help me, Jesus!" This takes my eyes off of my present pain and frustration and puts my focus on my Savior who is capable of all things.

When I am parenting my 2 precious teens and I am getting frustrated with their decisions, I am choosing to refocus on the fact that they both love God and while they both will mess up in life, Jesus is right there to pick them back up and love them. I am chosing to say, "Help me, Jesus!" and to then focus on the good in their lives rather than dwelling in the bad choices.

When looking at all the clutter around my house and I am starting to get bogged down with the frustration and stress of everything going on with moving, I am going to choose to zoom in and focus on the boxes that are already neatly packed because of the wonderful people who God put in my life.

Basically I am realizing that I could look at the big picture and choose to see the mess, the pain, the frustration, the bad choices, the disappointment, and much more clutter in the background....
OR
I can choose to refocus on the central figure in my life...Jesus....and by doing that all the clutter in the background becomes much easier to handle.

Take Peter for example:
Matthew 14:28-33

English Standard Version (ESV)

²⁸ And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” ²⁹ He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind,^[a] he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” ³¹ Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” ³² And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. ³³ And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

When he was forcusing on the wind and the waves, he was overwhelmed with fear but when he reached for Jesus' hand and focused on Him, all things were possible.

This post was once again partly inspired by my reading in the "Jesus Calling" devotional. Also by the many amazing photographers in my life.

Roller Coasters

2012-02-06T06:30:00.000-08:00

I feel like my life started a really long roller coaster at the end of September and it is only 3/4 of the way through. I used to love roller coasters when I was younger.

I would get so excited and nervous, we would run to the coaster only to be disappointed that we would have to wait to get on the ride.

Once on the ride, I would begin to have that moment of doubt. "What am I doing and why? I can't do this...." then a friend or sibling would grab my hand and encourage me. "You can do this. It will be over before you know it."

Then the ride would start this very slow assent that only builds the anticipation and fear. The confidence remained until I reached the top and looked down, "AAAAHHHHHHHH, get me off this thing."

Only it's too late. At this point, I think, "It will be over before I know it. Just sit back and try to enjoy the ride."

With each drop, the fear eases only to be built by the next twist, turn, drop, or loop.

Finally I was at the end and all of the sudden the ride halts. I look at my friend with a brave face and laugh, saying, "That wasn't so bad! Let's do it again!"

In September, we were told, you have a cyst, we need to wait and watch. Thus the anticipation and fear began but then we had to wait in that long line.

In October, I had my first surgery and we were told there would have to be another because of what they found. The assent to the ride of my life. There were lots of friends holding my hand and encouraging me along the way.

In November, I had a total hysterectomy, which we thought was going to be the end of the ride, only to find out that the ride was only beginning. I definitely felt and thought many times, "AAAAHHHHH, get me off this thing." But instead, I grabbed on to my friends, family and God, and said, "Bring it on!"

The next twist was my first treatment, which definitely made me want to get off the ride again, but then I had a good week and thought, "This isn't so bad."

Then my second treatment, and again, I wanted to depart the ride. I learned to hold onto my friends a little tighter and that the only way I could make it through this is with the strength of God.

The third treatment came with a major drop on the ride. I ended up in the hospital for a day and half with heart issues again. This drop has probably been the worst so far. I definitely don't want to go through that ER visit again. I was just about ready to jump off the ride. I was pleading with God to make the ride smoother and easier. Instead, I should have been asking Him to hold my hand tighter and to give me His strength to endure.

I am looking forward to the end of this ride. We are over half way done. I am ready for the halting stop at the end. And I pray that I can look back and say, "That wasn't so bad!" Although I know I won't be saying, "Let's do it again!" There is a reason I said that I liked roller coasters when I was younger....I am getting too old for the thrills of the ride.

A few things I have learned about roller coasters.

1. There ride is much better with good friends.

2. There is an end.

3. Hold on tight! to God that is....

4. Don't let fear and anticipation get the best of you...

5. You might not know what's around the bend, but you will make it through.

I only have 3 more treatments. Please continue to pray with us. Specific prayer requests are:

1. My heart stays in sync and does not start racing again.

2. Strength and endurance for me. I am struggling with moments of wanting to throw in the towel and wallow in my self pity.

3. Camp, I feel like things are racing around me and I can't keep up.

4. My kids continue to know and rely on God. That when they see me sick, fear does not overtake their thoughts.
5. My CT scan today: that no signs of cancer show up in the scan.

Thank you for riding this rollercoaster with us.

Love, ME

God Eases My Worries Once Again

2012-02-01T11:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday while I was at the hospital getting my 3rd chemo treatment, my mom was taking 3 of my 5 kids to the doctor. It started with little Ady because she has had a cold for several day and finally it was effecting her sleep. Her trip to the doc revealed strep and 2 infected ears. So my pediatrician, knowing my situation recommended bringing any other kid that has been not feeling well in for a test. That lead to Mikaelyn and Tucker. Mikaelyn was clear of strep, but Tucker on the other hand was not which leads me to my worry.

Tucker has had strep basically since January 6th. He tested positive on the 6th and started antibiotics. He then tested positive on the 20th and started antibiotics. And yesterday, showing no signs or symptoms, tested positive for the 3rd time. He is now on a 3rd antibiotic for 14 days and then he will be tested again. The worry comes because the doctor mentioned that if he tests positive again, we will be making a trip to the ENT, which usually means having your tonsils removed.

Therefore the thoughts going through my head this morning are:

1. NO, not one more mountain to have to climb.
2. I am scared to death. I know that tonsillectomies are normal and many kids and adults have them with rarely any complications. In fact, the death rate is less than 4%, but recently with my current circumstances and many others around me, I have realized that someone has to be that less than 4%. And yes, unfortunately I attended the funeral of a child cousin of mine many years ago because of complications from a tonsillectomy.

Here is where God comes in:

Many times this morning, worry and tears where creeping into my life. I was letting fear take over. In my head, I was saying, I know God is bigger than this and no matter what is dealt before us, He will get us through it, but I was not allowing my heart to feel it. I was not allowing my God to truly take over my fear. I was not letting go and asking Him to take control.

I just came upstairs to rest and read my "Jesus Calling" devotion for the day before taking a nap and voila, God does it again. I started reading and the first words are "Follow me one step at a time." Isn't that what He has been trying to teach me with this CANCER thing. (sometimes I can be so stubborn) I love the analogies that Sarah Young used in her devotion. She used the mountain to be the obstacle(s) in front of us. Most of the time, we see the mountain that is being thrust in front of our path and automatically start worrying about what we are going to do when we get there, how are we going to climb it, why do we need to climb it, and not again. Instead we should be walking by faith, not by sight. (2Corinthians 5:7) We should be leaning on our Father and asking Him to lead the way and not allowing our sight of things to make us worry or fear.

My sight was immediately taking me to the top of the mountain, to the worst possible fear, when it has not even been confirmed that we are going to the top of the mountain. God might change our path, Tucker's next test might be negative. He might also give us an easier path around the mountain. God might also tell us that we are going to climb this mountain, but if He does, we can rest assured that He will equip us to make the climb.
Psalm 91:11-12Amplified Bible (AMP)

¹¹For He will give His angels [especial] charge over you to accompany and defend and preserve you in all your ways [of obedience and service]. ¹²They shall bear you up on their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone.

For now, I am going to walk by faith and not by sight and trust that my Savior Jesus will lead me on the path that He has planned. I am going to rest in and enjoy His presence along the journey. I am not going to allow my sight of the possible future steal my joy. I am not going to allow worry to consume my thoughts. I am going to trust in what He has promised: that no matter what path He takes us on, He will be there the entire way.

Music and Television

2012-01-31T12:28:00.001-08:00

I have been having this constant conversation about music and tv and video games and the effects they have on your life, constantly for the last 5 years with my older kids. Lately, it is Mik and yes it is Kade too but his moments are a little less.

I am tired of the battle and this is kind of the stance I am taking: I am starting to ask them a few questions:
1. What is your end goal in your relationship with God?

2. Is the music , tv, or video games causing you to desire worldly ways over Eternal ways.

3. Are you embarrassed to play them out load at church or in front of your grandparents?

God is showing me daily that the things you fill your mind, heart, time, and soul with are so important. So I have started to filter a lot. Answering question 1 for me, I desire to grow closer and deeper with God daily and I feel like by doing that, I need to only feel my head with good books, Bible, good music, and much more. The answer to question 2 for me is this, If I watch something or listen to something that cause me to desire worldly ways, then it is wrong and I should quit watching or take it off the playlist. the question to answer 3 is definitely if I am embarrassed to watch it with my kids, I have to think twice. Granted I watch everyday television but if it is something that really pushes the limit, I have to filter what they are trying to do with the issue. Are they trying to make us understand the issue or are they rubbing in our faces. If it is the later, I stop watching.

Anyways, I know that as my children's desire for God becomes what they want first in their lives, they will hopefully go back and read this post.

For know, I would truly LOVE some engaging conversations through my comments section. I would love some ideas, questions and concerns voiced with LOVE! Let's talk!

Psalm 139

2012-01-31T09:48:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here having my 3rd chemo treatment and thinking about many things. I haven't blogged since my confession last week. A lot of things have happened since then. So I will give a brief synopsis of that and then I God is placing something on my heart.

1. Along with the help of some AMAZING women, Grace, Amy and Robin, we spent Wednesday and Thursday packing. I feel so good about the amount of work we got done. God truly is providing what I need to stay pretty relaxed.

2. My dad had a birthday! I was able to actually feel normal and cook for him which I have not done in a long time. It felt great. We had chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans, along with homemade banana pudding for dessert. I was a little nervous as I haven't cooked CFS or really anything in a long time. Everything was absolutely delicious and we truly enjoyed the time together. The recipe I used for the banana pudding was amazing by the way.

3. I had my 34th birthday on Sunday. I spent Friday night playing XBOX 360 kinnect with my boys which was FUN! Josh took me to Baltimore to shop and eat an incredible dinner on Saturday afternoon/evening. Sunday we all went to breakfast which was delicious and then I spent the afternoon shopping with Mikaelyn, Ady and Tucker. That afternoon, my aunt Julie arrived and my mom cooked a delicious dinner. It has been great to spend quality time with all my family and friends.

Now on to what God is placing on my heart. Last night, my friend Cree came over to spend time with Mik and then run my kids around and then pray with me before today. She mentioned that she gave Mikaelyn a Biblical homework assignment over Psalm 139. Since I am not great at scripture memory, I opened up my Bible app on my phone to read it. Guess what??? It was already opened to it!!! I was reading it the day before. (BTW, aren't we blessed that with all the technological devices we have, the Bible can be at our fingertips in the matter of seconds) So this morning, I am diving in to read it a little more in depth. I don't remember exactly what the homework assignment was but it is something I want to do also, so I am hoping that Cree will post in the comment section what the exact assignment and some of the guidance she gave to both me and Mik.

Anyways, I have read this Psalm many times and I love it. I am really looking forward to diving into it. I read it in The Message version tis morning and it's great so I am posting it below:

Psalm 139

A David Psalm

1-6 God, investigate my life; get all the facts firsthand.
I'm an open book to you;
even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back;
I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say
before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there,
then up ahead and you're there, too—
your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful—
I can't take it all in!

7-12 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?
to be out of your sight?
If I climb to the sky, you're there!
If I go underground, you're there!
If I flew on morning's wings
to the far western horizon,
You'd find me in a minute—
you're already there waiting!
Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!
At night I'm immersed in the light!"
It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;
night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

17-22 Your thoughts—how rare, how beautiful!
God, I'll never comprehend them!
I couldn't even begin to count them—
any more than I could count the sand of the sea.
Oh, let me rise in the morning and live always with you!
And please, God, do away with wickedness for good!
And you murderers—out of here!—
all the men and women who belittle you, God,
infatuated with cheap god-imitations.
See how I hate those who hate you, God,
see how I loathe all this godless arrogance;
I hate it with pure, unadulterated hatred.
Your enemies are my enemies!

23-24 Investigate my life, O God,
find out everything about me;
Cross-examine and test me,
get a clear picture of what I'm about;
See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong—
then guide me on the road to eternal life.

The idea I am going to touch on today, is how David both starts and ends this Psalm.
"Investigate my life..." He is asking God to investigate His life. This is a BOLD ask on David's behalf. From what I know of an investigation, mainly from all the CSI's that I watch. :), they are intense. An investigation is used when someone needs to or wants to know every single miniscule detail of someone's life. David is asking God to do this in his life??? WOW! I love that he starts off with this and then he goes on to mention all that already knows of God and how completely God knows him. Then he finishes with verse 23 and 24 which David then asks God to cross examine and test him so that He can see a clear picture. He asks God to look for things he has done wrong and then to guide him closer to God. I want to be cross-examined and tested and I want to live up to what my Father God wants from me. I want to pass the test with flying colors and if I don't, I want to truly listen to things I have done wrong. I want to be taught by the GREASTEST teacher of all time, my God, my Savior, my Father, my All in All.

I plan to spend more time in Psalm 139 this week and I pray that God will reveal more to me.

Please pray with me this week, after treatment. Specifically pray that this cold that is starting in me, goes away and does not get worse.

Love, ME

Confession Time

2012-01-20T12:52:00.000-08:00

Wednesday night I had to make a little trip to the ER...everything is totally OK...I was just dehydrated. That evening my heart started racing between 135 to 150 beats per minute. I sat down and rested for an hour and it wouldn't stop so I called the doctor. He sent me to the ER and they ran some tests and everything looked fine so they pumped me full of 2L of fluid. After 3 hours of a racing heartbeat, it slowed. So here comes the confession, I had been overdoing it all week long.

Those of you that know me, know that it is really hard for me to slow down...to just sit and enjoy...to be still...to ask for help. Well I have been getting better about all those things and I really have been trying to especially right now, but for some reason LIFE got the best of me. So isn't it funny, that the same night that I write a post about everything going on in my life and how it might be a little stressful, I end up in the ER....

What did I learn?
Slow down, it is OK and HIGHLY RECOMMENDED that I take it easy. Spend the energy and time I have doing easy and enjoyable tasks so that I don't end up in worse shape than I am.

Through my stress fest on Facebook, I learned that I have tons of friends that are willing to help me do all sorts of stuff, including packing my house. And they may think I am crazy but they don't think I am lazy. One reason I have a hard time asking for help, is the fear of being judged as lazy or incompetent or unable to handle the things going on in my life or of being weak. I have realized that I have AMAZING friends and brothers and sisters in Christ and that not a single one of them is doing these things or we would not be getting so many offers to help. Also, it is OK for me to be weak...weakness does not have to be a bad thing.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

It is important that I remember to live the concepts that I have been learning. I need to live life 1 day at a time right now. Don't stress and worry about the next. This has been one of my favorite verses for the last 5 years...
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

So going forward, I know I will probably start to stumble again but this time I will try to pay better attention to my body, my friends and family and the things God is teaching me. I am already feeling better. I have been drinking lots of fluids and trying to rest as much as possible the last couple of days.

Also, because of my Facebook post and all the amazing people who have offered their help, I created a calendar with the days I will be packing, the days we will be painting, and the days we will be moving. YES, we would love help any and all of those days. Please don't feel obligated but if you want to help, we will greatly appreciate it. Just use the link above to sign up for a day.

Life Goes On

2012-01-18T13:55:00.000-08:00

Yes I have cancer but life goes on.....at least we have chosen to try and make it go on...and almost as normal as possible.

Yes I have at least 1 week every 3 weeks that I am out of commission.
Yes I am more tired than normal...as I am yawning typing this post.
Yes I give in to Ady's temper tantrums a little easier than normal.
Yes I have to have extra help with the kids.
Yes I have incredible people bringing me meals so I don't have to cook.
Yes there are a lot of things that are not normal about our lives.

But we are trying to maintain as much normalcy as possible.

I mentioned in an earlier post that we were looking at houses...well we found a house and we are closing at the end of February. That means we have 6 weeks in normal time to pack and move. In my time, this translates to:
1 week that I feel good and up to packing
1 week of chemo and being out of commission
1 week of feeling half way decent and packing the house while also packing for a trip to Cancun
1 week(5 days in Cancun) a company trip that Josh won with his company that in trying to live a
somewhat normal life, we are planning on attending
1 week of chemo and being out of commission
1 week of feeling half way decent and packing a house
1/2 a week of packing the current house and
1/2 a week of preparing and moving into the new house
All this while living the rest of our normal lives.

So
Yes I may be crazy.
Yes I may stress at times.
Yes I will be leaning heavily on my friends.
Yes I will be leaning very heavily on my God.
Yes I plan to continue to LIVE life to the fullest even when I don't always feel like it.
Yes I will continue to thank God for the friends that keep me grounded and choose to live life with us!!!
Yes I will continue to thank God for the MANY MANY MANY blessings in my life and choose not to dwell on the negative.

Happy 16th Birthday Kade!

2012-01-16T06:19:00.000-08:00

WOAH.....How did that happen??? Kade, it was just a little over 8 years ago when you came into my life. You were an adorably sweet little boy with several missing front teeth. I still remember picking you up from school and you talking the entire way home about your day. I remember running behind your bike in Nana and Poppie's driveway over and over and over again until you got the confidence to ride without training wheels. I remember the way you and Mikaelyn used to play for hours because you were both so excited to have someone to play with.

You have grown into an amazingly adorable, loving and caring young man. I talk about the fact that you will be leaving for college in 2 and 1/2 years like it is just a fact of life when really it will break my heart to see you go. I say I am ready for you to grow up but in reality I wish I could keep you here safe and sound forever. I have held on tight (sorry buddy) because you are the oldest and it is scary watching you guys grow up. I am learning daily to let go a little more(you make this easier) and to trust that you are in God's hands. I am proud of you and the choices you are making. I am proud of your heart and the capacity it has to love the people around you. I am so glad that God brought you into my life and allowed me the opportunity to love you. I am proud of you for adjusting to all the chaos of having a blended family. I love you and I am so excited to see what God has in store for you. Always remember to listen to what God has planned for you. Seek Him first...

And because I can't have a birthday post without pictures....here they are:

2007

2011

2007

2009

8th grade - 2009

2011

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I love you!

A New Day

2012-01-14T06:50:00.000-08:00

Today is a new day! I am learning that every day is a new day.... some may be better than others.... and no matter what, I know that my God will be with me throughout each day.

Tuesday's treatment was much easier than the last one. They had me better prepared to accept the drugs they were giving me. We also got a bit of GREAT news. My CA125 number cut in half after the last treatment. This means the chemo drugs are doing there job.

Wednesday was a pretty good day...the steroids were keeping me hyper and full of energy. It allowed me the time to work with the incredible people I do to get our 2012 camp brochure finished.

Thursday was a little rough, the nauseau kicked in full force and then the pain in my legs started that night...but I am incredibly thankful for the hands and feet of my Savior...my friends who have loved and taken care of both me and my kids.

Friday was full of exhaustion, nauseau and achiness and I definitely had to rely on God's strength to get me through it and trust me, I wanted to be FINISHED with all of this many times... but God gave me the strength to endure.

And then He gave me TODAY...the nauseau is better, the energy level is better and the achiness in my legs is manageable.

Each day is new and I just need to remember that all I need is the strength and courage to get through the day ahead of me. Thank you God for filling me with what I need, for showing me love like no other, and for providing me with AMAZING and incredible people to love and care for all of us.

Prayer Devotion - Too Good Not to Share

2012-01-10T03:54:00.000-08:00

I opened up my "Jesus Calling" Devotion this morning and it was too good not to share this morning. Or at least for me to write down to remember.

I accidentally (or maybe not so accidental) opened up the January 11th devotion. The first sentence was "Trust Me by relinquishing control into my hands." WOW, that is totally what I have been trying to do every day with this Cancer thing and everything else going on in my life both good and bad.

Then it went on to talk about prayer. This is what I took from it:

1. Pray - lay out your concerns openly and candidly
2. Next - Start thanking Him for results He is setting into motion
3. Next - Continue to thank Him for results both being seen and still too come

By giving thanks for how God is answering your prayers, your mind becomes positive. Continuing to restate your prayers keeps you in a constant state of tension. "Thankful prayers keep your focus on My Presence and My Promises."

Psalm 46:10 in the Amplified version
10Let be and be still, and know (recognize and understand) that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations! I will be exalted in the earth!

Colossians 4:2 ESV
2 Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.

Anyways for what it is worth, I have truly enjoyed the "Jesus Calling" Devotional written by Sarah Young. I had 2 different people give me a copy when I started my treatments and I really am apprecitaing it every day. The devotions are on the shorter side which is perfect form me and they hit me exactly where I need them to. I also received the kids version of this devotional and we do this (almost) nightly with our little kids and they are really enjoying it too. Mikaelyn has one of the adult versions and does it most nights also.

Thanks for all your prayers as I go into today. I have prayed for the strength and endurance to get through this treatment while still allowing Christ to shine through me. I will now give thanks for the results that He is setting into motion and when I catch a glimpse of even the tiniest result, I will give thanks for those results. And I will remember that God doesn't always answer prayers the way we might think or want but He always answers, we just have to be looking for His ways.

Love, ME

Beauty - Where it Comes From?

2012-01-09T13:38:00.000-08:00

I am almost 34 years old and this is the first time in my life that I can truly say that I fully understand the saying, "True beauty comes from within." I always thought I knew what my grandmother or my mom was trying to say when they told me this. I have even used this with my own 12 year old daughter. I know that by saying this, I and many others are saying that it is whats in your heart that matters but this week I truly feel and therefore see the beauty that is within.

I wake up every morning and look in the mirror and see a woman that I sometimes hardly recognize yet I like what I see.  For the first time in my life, I am 100% secure in the beauty that I am portraying. I don't look in the mirror and question what could be better. I don't wish I had longer hair, a scarless body, less bags under my eyes, etc... etc... etc...  I have been pondering why I feel this way, I mean I am bald but for some reason I feel much more secure and beautiful with a bald head than with a wig or than I did when I had a head full of hair.

God is showing me what it feels like to be completely secure and confident in the beauty that He is providing.  I think when I look in the mirror, I see a woman that is loved by Christ, by my husband, by my children and by countless friends and family around me. I see a woman that loves Christ, her husband, my children and countless friends and family. God is showing me that true beauty comes from Him. If I allow Him to be in control, I feel secure, confident and beautiful.

* I am realizing that beauty comes from my heart and the fact that Christ dwells there.
     Romans 8:8-10

    Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

     You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.

* I am realizing that security comes from love.
    1 John 4:11-13

    Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.

     By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

I am a beautiful creation of my loving Father!!!

On another note, I have my 2nd treatment tomorrow. The doctors changed one of my drugs so I feel like I am going in with an unknown again. Please pray with me as I go through the day.

Love, Me

Join My Site

2012-01-07T06:45:00.000-08:00

I have truly enjoyed writing on my blog during this trial in my life. It has been really cool to read the comments and support from so many people. It has also been a way for me to hear other people stories and to pray for others. I have had so many people tell me they are reading and following my blog.

I would really like to know who is reading my blog therefore I have added a "Join this Site" link at the top left of my blog. I would really love for you to use this link to officially follow me. I will then be able to comment back to you.

Feeling Good and My Crazy Life

2012-01-06T07:20:00.000-08:00

I am totally working on a year in review post similar to both of my good friends, Amy and Jen. I have lots of thoughts in my head but have not had the time to sit down and put them to print. I am sure I will do it next week when I have lots of down time.

So in the meantime, here is what's been going on....

I feel really good this week, almost back to normal which is great!!! Although Monday night, the reality of all of this really hit me hard. I hardly slept because of the anxiety and fear that was building inside. I am feeling so close to normal, I really started dreading having to go back in Tuesday for another treatment. I started reliving the pain and the other feelings that I had the week of my last treatment. Here is where God is good: Tuesday morning I woke up and my daily devotional that I have been doing was on refreshing myself in the peace of Jesus' presence, reminding me that Jesus is always with me and that He will carry my burdens if I let Him. It concluded with the fact that in Him, we have a confident peace. I love those two words together, "confident peace". The word confident is defined as having strong belief or full assurance. The pairing of these two words reminded me that in Jesus our peace should be strong and there is no reason we should not be sure in it. On top of my devotional though, I went to my women's Bible study group that morning and I completely opened up about the fear and dread I was experiencing and asked them to be praying about it...God is answering this prayer daily because since then, the fear is minimal and if it does creep in, it is easy to squash. Thank you God and thank you friends for praying.

On another note, since I have been feeling so good, I have probably overdone it this week but thats OK. I am trying to live life...and get things done that need to be done in the week that I feel up to it. Josh and I were planning on buying a house sometime early this year and after talking about it, we have decided not to wait...we don't feel like cancer should stop us from proceeding with our plans and life. (friends be ready...we will be having a boxing party...lol ) So this week I have been looking at lots and lots of houses. It has been fun but tiring at the same time. We are close to making a decision but it is such a big one, that I want to be 100% sure that the house we choose is the one God wants us in. I also worked in the office all day yesterday for the first time since I was diagnosed. It felt so good to do normal life. I really enjoyed seeing everybody and it made me realize how much I missed doing life with the staff at my church and at camp. I also shaved my head this week. My hair started falling out on Tuesday and got worse on Wednesday so I decided to get rid of it. Surprisingly enough, I really like it. I will probably not be wearing a wig very often. Amy went with me and took pictures again and here is the link. Doing these things with friends, makes it much easier and more fun. I also met a beautiful young woman that day that is going through treatments for breast cancer. She really provided a light and hope in the face of this awful disease.

This week has been full of so much and God has been so good thorugh all of it. I feel like He is giving me the strength to get through next week. In the meantime, I am going to make the most of every second until then. And then, next week the plan is to make the most of every second but just in a completely different way than I am this week...

As I am sitting here writing this post, I am watching my little Ady dance to every sound of music that she hears. She does this all the time and I am really beginning to realize that God gave her the love of dance to remind me to keep on dancing. Life is a dance and there is music all around us to dance to. So yes, I am going to keep on dancing through life and listening for the music God provides.

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T16:41:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for so many things....
Beautiful and amazing children to spend the day with

A caring and compassionate husband to raise our family with

Extended family galore both near and far to make the day much brighter
Food that actually tasted good today
Energy to enjoy the day from sun up to sun down

Cameras to catch the joy... (here are a few of my favorite shots)

Today was great. I actually felt good and was able to enjoy the entire day with my kids and family. The first couple of days after my treatment were so hard that I was beginning to wonder if I was going to be able to make it through 3 months of this. I am so thankful that beginning yesterday afternoon and through the day today, I have a much renewed heart and spirit. Each day brings it's own surprises but if I can have the energy to make it through a day like today, then I know I can get through this. I have now seen how hard this road can and will be but I have also seen how joyful and peaceful it can be too. So yes, I will have days that I feel like doing absolutely nothing and I will need lots of help, humility, and prayers. But yes, I will also have days where I can sit and enjoy the love that God has surrounded me with and I pray that even on the good days, I remember to give thanks to the God that made them all happen.

Because I have kids and I am a camp director, I have this song stuck in my head.... no, I don't know this little girl but she sure is adorable and I think she captures the song perfectly.

Love, ME

Man, This is Hard

2011-12-23T11:22:00.000-08:00

Man, this is harder than I thought. The last few days have been tough, tougher than I imagined they would be. But then again, I don't think anyone really knows what to expect when it comes to chemotherapy.

Tuesday morning, Josh and I headed to the hospital. I was pretty easy spirited and ready to handle whatever this dealt. The nurses where super nice and helped make things easier. I was doing fine until I had a reaction after lunchtime to the first chemo drug. I started having intense muscle pain in my legs which the nurses immediately remedied with muscle relaxers and other drugs that proceeded to knock me out. I don't remember much else about that day because they had me on so many different things to relax me. Although, everyone I talked to that afternoon is still laughing because I don't remember much.

Honestly, I can say that the last few days have been HARD! I don't have the energy to do hardly anything and I feel like I am walking around in a cloud while my life is happening around me. Even in this, I can say I have hope, today has been much better. I am still really tired but I am starting to have a little relief. I am trying to not get wrapped up in the fact that I am going to have to go through all this 5 more times. If I can live one day at a time, then each day will bring what it does and I will not worry or be anxious about the next.

Today I am trying to remember, "I can do all things through him who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
I am not in this alone, I will conitnue to rely on my God and He will pull us through this, but "Man, this is HARD!"

Love, Me

I Would be Lying if I Said I Wasn't Nervous

2011-12-20T04:28:00.000-08:00

My head is full of so many things I want to share and say right now but I don't have that much time. I have learned and am continuing to learn so much through this journey...so for this morning, I will share briefly where I am at.

I am nervous as heck, I have no idea what to expect from these treatments. I have a beautiful and amazing sister in Christ that has reached out to me and tried to give me some details from her treatment last year but she only had 1 of the same drugs as me. And chemo treats everyone differently so I just have to wait and see what will happen with me. I had to start a cortisteroid yesterday and it made me feel crazy yesterday. I have to take it the day before treatment, the day of and the day after. It is making me easily flustered and a little easy to get angry and cry. I pray that this will get better.

Today, I am nervous but relying on His word.

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

I am learning more than ever right now, that my weakness is the only way that Christ can shine. I am having to learn to be weak and to allow Christ to carry me. I am learning to have to let my brothers and sisters in Christ take care of me, to love me, and to be my strength. Those of you that know me, know that this is something God has really had to work on with me. I have always been She-woman and tried to everything myself. But I am learning that She-woman is not that great and that live is so much better when you do it with others.

Psalm 62:6-8
He only is my rock and my salvation,

my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before him;
God is a refuge for us.
Selah

This is so true. I don't feel that I could walk into this treatment today without this promise from His word. The days I start without leaning on God, are most definitely the worst. If I live my day with Him and relying on Him, the small stuff is easier to get through.

I am also scared and the thing that scares me the most right now, is that I won't have the energy to love my kids and family the way I need to. (I am tearing up as I type this right now) What I am realizing and learning daily is that again in my weakness, this is where Christ and my brothers and sisters in Christ will shine. We have been so blessed with incredible people to pick up where I might fall short. I pray that my kids won't even recognize that I might not be able to help us much as I normally do.

I also am recognizing that laughter is the one of the best medicines. Keep me laughing my friends. Tease me, have fun with me and treat me like you would whether I had this cancer thing or not. The other night I was out with the girls and my sister in law, looked at me and said, "You will tell us when enough joking is enough, right?" My answer is yes, but I am may be fragile but I am not broken so lets have fun through this and make the best of it.
My husband is telling me I have to quit and get ready so I better do that. Send me scriptures, jokes or whatever you want to this morning to keep me entertained. Also, if you play Words with Friends or WordFeud, find me so we can play. Blessedfamchaos

Love, Me

A Few New Dos

2011-12-19T12:48:00.000-08:00

Today, I went and got my hair cut and bought a couple wigs. My mom and my friend, Amy went with me and it was lots of fun. Amy actually blogged the whole thing on her blog so please choose here to see her post.

We had lots of fun today and I really am trying to enjoy this journey. I will post more later.

If I do not post again before tomorrow, please pray with us in the morning. My first treatment is at 9:00 a.m.

Also, many people have asked if they can help by bringing a meal or anything else. The answer is yes but there are way too many awesome people willing to help that I can't remember who all to send this to. So I am posting the food link here. I will also try to get my good friend Amy who is so much more technological able to put the link in the sidebar of my blog.

Thank you all so much for everything you have done and are conitnuing to do for us.

Love, Me

Reality is Starting to Sink In

2011-12-15T18:15:00.000-08:00

Today, my Mom and I went to visit a Cancer Resource Center in the area with the purpose of trying on wigs. It was interesting to say the least. That being said I did get an idea of what to expect and lots of helpful tips. I found 3 really cute hats that my mom bought for me. I am really looking forward to being able to wear some fun and spunky hats.

This afternoon the chemo nurse called and we scheduled my first treatment for Tuesday at 9 am. They will then be every 3 weeks after that. I will post dates and times after we get them all scheduled next week.

I decided that I am going on Monday morning and getting a short spunky haircut so that when I start loosing my hair, it will be easier to manage. I will also be trying on wigs Monday and hopefully picking one out. Be ready for some really cute pictures.

Now that the date is scheduled and I am actually making some decisions specifically related to chemo, the reality is really setting in. I have to admit, I am a little nervous about being sick. I hate feeling nauseous....so between now and then, I will be praying for strength and an easy spirit. I will be trusting in the Lord and the fact that He will carry me through this. I have always loved the poem "Footprints in the Sand" and I feel like it is very relevant to my life right now.

Footprints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson

In His Love, ME

HOPE

2011-12-14T11:48:00.000-08:00

My appointment with the oncoclogist was last night. It was really good meeting with him and hearing everything he had to say. He was very positive despite the fact that I have stage 3A ovarian cancer. He said because of my age and the fact that there were only microscopic cells outside of the ovary that he feels more like I am a stage 1. Therefore he feels that after my 6 treatments, I should go straight into remission. Of course, I will have continual tests and scans to watch and make sure nothing comes back. He told me I will be around for a long time. So what's next?

I should hear from the chemo specialist tomorrow and we will set my treatment schedule. I will have 6 treatments spaced 3 weeks apart each. He did state that I will loose my hair and he wants me to start next week. I don't want to be sick on Christmas though so I want to see what days they have available.

How do I feel about all this?

Last night leaving the office, we were hopeful and happy. It was really nice to hear him say that he is expecting positive results fromn all of this. Granted we know that we have a long road ahead of us, we do have a bright light at the end of the road.

As far as loosing my hair, I am not too concerned with the appearance aspect of loosing my hair. I think the part that will be the hardest is that by loosing my hair it is a visual sign to everyone that I have cancer. I think that this might be harder on the kids than it will be on me. They will know that I am sick and everyone surrounding us will know. All that being said, we will get used to it. Who knows, I might get spunky with my wig or wigs....

Sometimes I feel that I am supposed to be more distraught in all of this. I mean, it is cancer and it does suck but most days I am joyful, hopeful and just down right happy to be here. Yesterday was hard and long and I felt like I had a heavy weight around my neck all day but after the appointment I left feeling joyful again. When I was trying to explain this to a friend last night, she looked at me and said, "It's because God has in hands in this!" I truly believe He does have his hand in every aspect. My doctor shines with a light that I know has to be God's own. And God has really been shining through all of my friends and family!

I was brought to tears multiple times yesterday because of the joy shared through people I love.

I will share hopefully tomorrow what my treatment schedule will look like.

Love, ME

More Christmas Fun!

2011-12-09T14:20:00.001-08:00

This afternoon, the kids and I decided to build a gingerbread village.
"WHAT WAS I THINKING DOING THIS WHILE ADY WAS AWAKE?"

This is how excited she was when she found the candy!!!

This sums up what a mess she was during the entire process. I think she ate more candy this afternoon thatn she ever has. (and yes Mikaelyn did participate but did not want me to take her picture)

Rylan was very meticulous about his decorating when he wasn't yelling at Ady!

Tucker had fun putting the candy on with my help. He didn't really have the patience.

And a group shot with Ady smiling. I love that she does this for the camera now.

And the finished product. Not too shabby! although I am a little shabby after the process. That completely wore me out. I am ready to have my energy back and to be able to do things like lift Ady off the table when she is eating all the candy. I pray I have the energy to handle my little ball of fire over the next few months.

Feeling Normal

2011-12-06T05:19:00.001-08:00

This last weekend, Josh and I went to his Christmas party at work on Saturday night. We had a lot of fun and got to visit with lots of people I haven't seen in a while. Not everyone in his office knew of my diagnosis which was kind of nice because the night did not get consumed with talk of cancer. But on the other hand, it was really nice to be able to talk about it with the few that did know. Josh is extremely blessed to work with such an incredible company. I am also extremely thankful for Josh's boss and his wife. They are both incredibly caring people and have a faith that is strong and an example to both of us.

On Sunday, we went to a tree lot and cut down our Christmas tree. We all had a blast and again it was nice to feel normal. They had a small train garden and Ady was completely awestruck.

The boys also loved it and had a great time showing it to their little sister.

We then hit the fields to pick the best Christmas tree there but not before the picture.

Of course, they are all thinking, "Aw mom, quit taking pictures!"
Anyways we all had a blast picking out the tree, but trying to get 7 very opionated people to agree on a tree is not fun. Finally I had had enough walking and stopped at 2 trees. I named 1 A and 1 B. Of course we were pretty much split down the middle on the decision and I kept saying, "Choose 1, A or B?" That is when Ady chimed in with her opinion very loudly saying, "B! B! B!" So yes we let Ady choose the tree. B it was.

After loading the tree on the car, "I started wondering if Kade was right(don't tell him I said that) and the tree was going to be too big?" Of course, when we got home, we had to got probably 1 foot and 1/2 off the tree to get it to stand up and 1 side of the tree can't even let down because the couch is in the way but it is perfect. It's a little quirky kind of like us but it is big and bold reminding me of the love that our family(all of it) shares.

The weekend was AMAZING and yes I did overdo it and am paying for it a little now but those of you that know me, know that I can't sit still for too long or I go crazy. I definitely took it easy yesterday and am trying to do so today.

My appointment with the doctor and the chemo specialist is Tuesday the 13th at 6:00 in the evening. We will know what the next steps are after that. We have a lot of questions and a lot of unknowns. I think living in the world of the unknown is hard. I want to continue to move forward with life yet I can't plan too far ahead because I know my life and plans will be scheduled around the treamtments that are to come. In some ways, I think this is good, because it is making me slow down and live in the moment.

Lately I have found comfort and strength in:
Colossians 2:6-7 "Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, rooted and built in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving."
We are to be rooted like a tree with our roots being in His word.
Psalm 1:2-3
but his delight is in the law[a] of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.
He is like a tree
planted by streams of water
that yields its fruit in its season,
and its leaf does not wither.
In all that he does, he prospers.

Then we will be "built in Him and established in the faith." The word established has a strong meaning- it is to be built firmly or permanently in something. My faith is a firm and permanent presence in my life.

We are taught to live like this through His word, by brothers and sisters in Christ around us, by leaders and teachers in the faith, by mentors...

"Abounding" (to be rich or well supplied) in thanksgiving. As I think of the word abounding, Ady is sitting here grabbing my hands so we can dance and sing and giggle to her songs on TV, it is reminding me of the overflowing and well supplied joy and wonder of a child. I want my thanksgiving to be abounding like that.

I am thankful for the laughter and memories that were made this weekend.
I am thankful for the relationships that grew and were strengthed this weekend.

Answers...

2011-12-01T15:08:00.001-08:00

So today, I got a call from the doctor with the results on the pathology and to be honest with you....answers sometimes SUCK! Pardon my bluntness. I have Stage 3a invasive ovarian cancer. What this means for me is that I had cancer within my right ovary, miscroscopic cancer cells on the outside lining of my uterus and miscroscopic cancer cells on my omentum(inner lining of abdominal wall). All 28 of the lymph nodes he took out were clean which is good. The doctor is optimistic in that he feels like he got all of the cancer cells he saw. The next step will be 6 treatments of chemotherapy spaced 3 weeks apart.

So that's all the medical mumbo jumbo....here is how I am. I lost it when I got the call. I cried a lot. I had to call Josh at work and tell him and then wait for him to get here. I then had the opportunity to cry some more and tell a few other people. Then I had 2 good friends at the house that prayed with us and it helped to calm me down. We have strategically had to tell family and good friends all day today which is exhausting. I wish I had the energy to call each and every person and tell you but I don't so through the strength of God, I am writing this and trying to be as honest as possible.

But through it all, God is working. Just this afternoon, I got 2 facebook messages and a tweet from people who have no idea what today was going to entail. My boss took a book to work today which she wasn't for sure why but what she opened to is "Jehovah rophe - (je-ho-vah ro-phay) - The God who heals" in Exodus 15:26 Then she heard from me and knew why. God is AWESOME!!! I can not tell you how much all the phone calls, facebook messages, texts, tweets and any other type of support have meant to me through all of this.

Going forward, I have to admit, "THIS SUCKS!" And I don't have to be thankful for cancer. But I am commanded to be thankful in all circumstances. Again, our pastor's sermon seemed to speak right to me this weekend. Again here is the link, you should listen to it(Doing the Impossible). I have been filled with gratitude and thanks for many things lately but I always wondered how do I say I am thankful that I have cancer because I am not. I can say that I am thankful for the things that are happening because of this journey we have been set on. How do I explain the thankful heart that I have had to someone else? Pastor Mark's sermon really put this into a new light for me. So I will continue to be thankful in the circumstances we are in while admitting that having cancer is not what I wanted.

I am thankful for:

my beautiful family
my amazing friends
the constant presence of God through all of this
the closeness of my family through all of this
the opportunity to cry, pray and struggle through something that through Christ we will prevail.
the opportunity to celebrate Christ's birthday through Christmas
the strength and peace that God is giving me

and there are many many more but I will conitnue again another day.

Love, ME

Waiting Yet Again

2011-11-26T07:44:00.001-08:00

My second surgery was on Wednesday...everything went well and I am at home recovering. The doctor told Josh and my mom that the frozen biopsy from this surgery is showing conflicting results from the last surgery. It does look like cancer that was in the ovaries. Now we just have to wait again for the pathology to come back. 5 - 10 days of waiting to hear...

Is it for sure, ovarian cancer?
What stage is the cancer at? Was it contained to the ovaries or was it other places?
What kind of chemo treatment am I going to need if it is cancer?

So I look at it 2 ways:
1. I can sit and stress and be depressed while I wait to hear the results.
2. I can know that I am in God's hands and that He is in control. I can accept this and use it for His glory.

I am choosing the second way but don't get me wrong, the first way is tempting sometimes. It has been awesome, because God seems to know when I am drifting towards the first, and I get a text, facebook message, phone call, or email from just the right person with just the right scripture for the moment.

God only knows what lays ahead for us. But we can continue to trust Him and we can continue to look for the ways He is moving.

Thanksgiving

2011-11-21T04:28:00.001-08:00

Today we are celebrating Thanksgiving with our family. My surgery is on Wednesday and I don't get to go home until Thursday. My family is so AWESOME that we are all celebrating early together. I am thankful for that.

I have been thinking a lot about giving thanks lately, not just the holiday but the actual act. I have so much to be thankful for and with gratitude comes JOY! I think about all the pictures we see and the stories we hear of kids who have very little and the joy we hear about and see in their faces. It becomes obvious to me that our JOY does not come from the physical possessions we place value in but from inside the person. When you choose to live a life built in Christ, and choose to live a life of thanks giving, then JOY will come and will shine for the world to see.

My pastor gave a sermon on repentance yesterday. It was eye opening to me and I think many others. He gave the definition of the word repent from its base words. The definition is to change your mind. WOW, repenting is just changing your mind? Within the sermon, he used Isaish 26:3, "You keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." His explanation being, "People whose eyes are fixed on God and not on self, experience His peace." And with peace comes JOY! When I chose to repent and accept Christ and what He did for me, I changed my mind about the type of life I was living. I chose light over darkness. But almost daily, I have to choose to change my mind about something. At this time in my life, I am choosing to be JOYFUL by focusing on God and who He is in my life and others instead of being bitter and angry at things that don't go according to my plans. I am choosing to see God in daily acts instead of ignoring Him. I am choosing to be thankful for the blessings in my life instead of always looking at the negative and wanting more. I am changing my mind, repenting, for my selfish actions. There was so much more in the sermon yesterday. These are just some of the ideas I took from it. You should listen to it. (Not Just a Women's Perogative.)

Anyways, I am so looking forward to today and here are some of the reasons why:

* I love my family.
* This is the first time Josh and I have celebrated a holiday with both sets of our parents at one time. (The only thing that would make it better, is if all of the rest of our family could be here)
* Yummy delicious, home-cooked food.
* Happy healthy kids
* Laughter and lots of it.
* Being a part of God's family and the closeness I feel through everyone's prayers.

There is so much more and I am sure, I will list them soon, but right now, Ady is climbing on the keyboard and making it awful hard to type. ENJOY your Thanksgivings and choose to make every day full of giving thanks instead of just this one.

Surgery Date

2011-11-16T18:08:00.001-08:00

We scheduled my surgery next Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. Not the ideal date for a surgery with an overnight hospital stay but I would rather get it over with than wait until early December. So we are moving ahead with next Wednesday.

I am thankful for my family and the fact that they are willing to move our Thanksgiving celebration to Monday instead.

Also, the pathology came back from the first surgery...the pathologists basically said there was not enough tissue to get a good read...translating that they recommend getting more which is what we are proceeding with. The surgical orders read TAH/BSO Staging which stands for total hysterectomy and bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy. Just the word staging is a little scary.

So here is what I am struggling with:

1. I have Borderline Ovarian Cancer which nobody including myself really understands. I think it is not as scary as cancer but I am not 100% for sure. It is scary enough to do staging.

2. I don't want to unload on everyone I see about what is going on, but I also don't want to be asked the question, "How are things going?" and answer, "Great!" and then later on that person finds out that I just had major surgery and that I did not say anything.  I want people to see me and not a false face that I put up to hide what is going on .

3.  People are constantly asking, "Are you scared?" Honestly, I am not. I really wouldn't describe the feeling as scared. I am truly at peace with the way things are going. I have felt God's hand in all of this. Right now, I just want to get it over with. I want to move on to whatever is next. I also want to make sure that I am sharing the peace that God is giving me with the others around me.

4. Today, I had my pre-operative physical and tests. My general doctor told me, you are in perfect health which is good, all things considered. I am constantly getting from everyone including doctors, the shocked look of "Really???" when I tell them what is going on with me. Women your age and with all your circumstances don't get ovarian cancer or borderline ovarian cancer.... I am learning that even in statisctics, there is still a 1% or a 5% and somebody is that percentage. Unfortunately, people I know including me have become those percentages.  Because of this, I have been able to spend lots of time in prayer for others and others have spent lots of time praying for me. Through prayer, I have felt a closeness to people that is truly comforting. Also, we don't always understand why things happen the way they do, but what I keep coming back to is the fact that because God sent his one and only son to die for our sins, we have the opportunity of eternal life with Him if we only believe.

     John 3:16 ¹⁶"For God so loved the world,^[a] that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

I pray that everyone has a blessed and happy Thanksgiving. I am truly looking forward to the blessed chaos that happens when all of our family gets together. I love it and I am so thankful for it. I will miss the faces that are absent from the table but I know that I will feel you all there because of the closeness we have felt through prayer.

Thanks for the Reminder

2011-11-10T06:13:00.000-08:00

So after leaving the doctor's office Tuesday afternoon, Josh and I were on such a high. We were so relieved to hear that it wasn't cancer, that it had not sunk in what exactly borderline cancer is. I still don't know all the details and I don't think we will know all the details until after my next surgery but I do know this....It is still a serious thing we are dealing with.

Yesterday, my body was reminding me of the fact that there is still something going on inside. I was sore, tired and crampy. I feel like it was God's way of saying, "YES, rejoice but you still need to be ready."

Ovarian Cancer is the only cancer that has a Borderline Cancer diagnosis and I still don't understand it all but from what I have read this is a few things I have gathered:
    It is slow growing unlinke actual cancer
    It can turn into actual cancer at any time
    They stage it similar to cancer
    It can be just as serious as cancer
From what we gathered from the doctor, in his words he is cautiously optimisitc about everything. I think we caught it early enough that hopefully the surgery will take care of everything. He also said the word curable so that is reassuring. The doctor made the comment to me after I told him, I had 5 kids, "You don't do anything minimally do you?" Translating to me, that this diagnoses is still a big deal, something to not take lightly.

With all that being said, I am so thankful for:

The fact that I am not relying on anything but God's power through all this...
     John 16:33
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."

God is constantly showing his love through friends and family

He has placed me in the hands of an incredible doctor with a caring heart

God blessed us with 5 beautiful children before the age of 33. More than I could have ever asked for.

Ady who is dancing beside me, as I type...

He moved us about 5 years ago to an area that has some of the best doctors and hospitals in the nation.

The pain that the cyst was causing me so that I would pursue getting it removed.

The Holy Spirit urging me to get a doctor's appointment to begin with.

The opportunity to pray for and with other friends that are going thtough their own trials

I definitely do not understand everything that goes on in this world but I do know that I can fully rely on God and His word. \
Philippians 4:5-8
"5Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; 6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

These verses have truly been a comfort to me not only in this trial but in others my family has faced in the past few years.

PRAISE GOD!!!

2011-11-08T13:57:00.000-08:00

So we are praising God and rejoicing right now. The news is better than we expected....

I don't have cancer, I have borderline ovarian cancer. The doctor described it as cautious optimism. What it boils down to is if I still wanted to have kids, they would watch me close and wait but since I am finished having kids, we are going to go ahead with a total hysterectomy. He will further inspect everything while he is in there and if he finds anything, then we will discuss that afterwards.

This information is based off of the frozen disection because the pathology is not in yet. The doctor will let us know if anything changes.

I will be looking another surgery hopefully within the next 2 weeks but prayerfully that will be it.

I have so much more to say about the way I have seen God's hand in all this ...... but I will do that later. For know, I leave you with this.....my mom's daily verse that she did not open until this afternoon.

Psalm 107:1
Oh give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,

for his steadfast love endures forever!

Pray With Us Tomorrow

2011-11-07T19:09:00.000-08:00

So this will be short and sweet. Tomorrow at 2:00 we will meet with the GYN oncologoist.

Please be praying with us at that time. I have truly felt the peace and joy of God this week through each and every one of your prayers and His Word that you have been sending me. For some reason, I have felt heavy today and I am pretty sure that it has to do with the lack of God Time on my part today. A good friend came over and prayed with me tonight and WOW, the weight was lifted. I also put a few more tears in my own special jar which might have helped too.

Anyways, I was reminded in a big way that I can not hide from this or from God, nor do I want to. But I know that tomorrow will be tough, whether we get any answers or not so please PRAY!!!

I will post sometime kind of update tomorrow but I will leave you with John 3:16, the GREATEST GIFT OF ALL!!!

John 3:16
16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Waiting

2011-11-03T04:39:00.000-07:00

The pain from my surgery is better and I feel like my body is beginning to recover but my heart has a ways to go. The scriptures that everyone has sent are amazing and they are on their way to making it to the walls and a portable photo album for me to carry.

Tuesday after the surgery was visitor and phone call filled....therefore I didn't have much time to really stop and feel the weight of all of this. That evening Josh and I sat down and actually talked about this. The only words we can truly come up with is: "It sucks!" but in the same instance we are positive and we know that God will carry us through this. I am thankful for the conversation we had.

Wednesday was hard...it was quieter around the house. I started the day with the scriptures you all have been sending which was great. I was exhausted yesterday, I felt like heavy lead weights were weighing me down. I was still waiting to hear from the oncologist which means every time the phone rang, my heart dropped and 99% of the time, it wasn't his office. His office did eventually call and the appointment is set for Tuesday at 2:00. Tuesday?????that is 6 days away....WOW...waiting without letting it consume me or us. Later in the day my brother responded to the wait time with a simple text, "Good thing we are trusting in God and not chariots."   So true!!! I have told myself this mutliple times since then. My breaking point was at dinnertime yesterday and the silliest thing did it, isn't that ususally the case. I realized I have permanently lost all my pictures on my blog and I lost it. I cried........the cry was not about the pictures (which I still have on my computer just not in my blog) though but WHY????? It was amazing how the cry helped, I was refreshed....

then this morning, the first tweet I read was the verse Psalm 56:3 and then I read the whole Psalm.

Psalm 56

In God I Trust

To the choirmaster: according to The Dove on Far-off Terebinths. A Miktam[a] of David, when the Philistines seized him in Gath.

1 Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me;
all day long an attacker oppresses me;
2my enemies trample on me all day long,
for many attack me proudly.

3When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
4In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can flesh do to me?
5All day long they injure my cause;[b]
all their thoughts are against me for evil.
6They stir up strife, they lurk;
they watch my steps,
as they have waited for my life.
7For their crime will they escape?
In wrath cast down the peoples, O God!

8You have kept count of my tossings;[c]
put my tears in your bottle.
Are they not in your book?
9Then my enemies will turn back
in the day when I call.
This I know, that[d] God is for me.
10In God, whose word I praise,
in the LORD, whose word I praise,
11in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
What can man do to me?

12I must perform my vows to you, O God;
I will render thank offerings to you.
13 For you have delivered my soul from death,
yes, my feet from falling,
that I may walk before God
in the light of life.

The entire psalm is amazing...how simple is verse 3 and that is exactly what I am trying to do. And verse 8 is so comforting to me in many ways:
     1. He is watching me toss and turn and counting. He is caring and he is loving me. I went to sleep last after the tossing with the comfort of Psalm 91:4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge;
     2. He expects me to cry, he has a special jar just for my tears. He loves me unconditionally and loves when I am vulnerable to Him.

So far Thursday is good and I have lots of friends and family along with the strength of God to keep it that way. But if I lose it, it's OK, because I am human after all and God would rather me be real with Him than try to hide from Him what he already knows.

Matthew 11:28
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Keep the scriptures coming, I LOVE THEM and each of you.....they are becoming a great way for me to lift each of you up also.

One Day at a Time

2011-11-01T07:43:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was my surgery to have my right ovarian cyst removed, and we ended up with a few surprises. The doctors felt the cyst and some growths in my left ovary looked suspicious so they took a section and sent them to the lab. The also consulted with an oncoclogist. The samples cam back atypical so the oncologist recommended that they remove the growths and the cyst and then close me up.

We are now waiting on the pathology report. I will be meeting with a GYN oncologist sometime within the next couple weeks. Cancer...the big scary word that none of us want to say. The doctors are not saying it is for sure cancer but I hear the underlying tones of ovarian cancer looming.

WAITING is hard and scary but I know that I am in HIS hands and I know that no matter what, God will carry us through this.

YES I AM SCARED...but I am determined to be positive and thankful even through all of this. I know that I will need everyone's help in this so I am asking right now for scripture verses. I plan to transfer these all to note cards and tape them up all over my walls.

And yes I will conitnue my list of gifts because they are abounding: (my good firend helped me start my list this morning)

107. I can go back to bed any time I want and sleep all I want.
108. I get to eat real food today.
109. I can drink coffee.
110. I am a little mobile today although sore.
111. I am surrounded by people who love me a lot.
112. My kids are cared for by people who love them a lot.
113. Warm showers.
114. My brother who has an amazing faith and is here to support me and my hubby every step of the way.
115. My mom who will take care of me as much as I will let her and then some.
116. All my family and friends who are praying for me.
117. God's word.
118. Hugs and kisses from my kids.
119. Laughter. (thanks to my sister in law for providing the jokes) KEEP THEM COMING
120. Friends, friends and more friends
121. A large church family
122. My in laws that can't wait to get here to help out.

WOW, as I write this, I am brought to tears by how blessed I am....I know that we can get through whatever this is......

I love everyone that is reading this and please send me the scripture verses.

Eucharisteo

2011-10-13T05:01:00.000-07:00

Eucharisteo - To be grateful, feel thankful, to give thanks

Eucharisteo is the Hebrew word used several times throughout the Bible. I love the definition. Eucharisteo is a feeling and an action. It is used several times throughout the Bible but one that stands out to me is when Jesus is giving thanks at the Last Supper. WOW! This blows my mind, that Jesus is giving thanks knowing what is about to happen to him. "Do this in remembrance of me" has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I pray I remember that before Jesus goes to the cross to accept my punishment, he is giving THANKS. Eucharisteo to feel thankful. I want to be grateful in all circumstances because that is true eucharisteo.

Luke 22:19

English Standard Version (ESV)
19(A) And he took bread, and(B) when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, (C) "This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me."

95. Amy who helped me finish a project long ago started. It is much more fun when you have someone to talk to.
96. Jen, my sister in law and friend. I love that my brother married you and I love spending time with you. You make the days go by faster and happier.
97. Pumpkin cake just because...
98. Cousins that play together so happily...
99. Rain that keeps everything so green.
100. Tucker and his dreams: A couple days ago, he told me he wants to be a duck shooter when he grows up, you know mom like when I am 16 or 17. He talked about this several times throughout the day and Ry and I asked him how he would make a living doing this. Last night, he shared his plans with daddy and Josh asked him what he was going to do with the ducks. He completed his "When I grow up plans" by adding that he was going to cook them and then sell the food. Well he actually said, he was going to shoot them and then Daddy and I were going to clean them and cook them. I am glad his plans when he grows up still include us.

101. A mother in law and father in law willing to come stay with us for a few weeks after I have surgery. (still praying I don't have too but just in case)
I have a 7 cm ovarian cyst that doesn't look like it is going away. It is causing pain and discomfort. They will take the cyst and make sure it is benign and that there is nothing else going on. My prayer is that it is simple and routine and a quick recovery.

102. Anticipation of having Lon and Beverly here for Thanksgiving... YAY!!! The more the merrier.
103. A happy cheerful Mikaelyn, at least for now...
104. Grace...she not only babysits but loves my ADY.
105. Seeing Rylan dress up and play pretend with his cousins
106. Watching baseball with my husband.

I want to give thanks even when I don't like the cup being handed to me or others around me.

Thankful

2011-10-12T04:41:00.000-07:00

78. The changing color of the leaves.
79. My mom.
80. Giggling with Ady.
81. Tucker's dreaming...
82. Fall weather
83. My kid's energy
84. My dad.
85. Girl's nights out painting pottery.
86. My hard-working husband.
87. My hubby's job...(even though it keeps him long hours lately)
88. Staying home with my kids.
89. Upcoming visits from family.
90. Perspective
91. Engagement stories and pictures of family.
92. Friend's pregnancies
93. Joy of adoption
94. Doctors

I have been feeling rather rough for the last few weeks and am finding it hard to focus on the positive and instead find myself dwelling in my pain.... This most definitely does not make me feel better and in reality makes me much more stressed... Therefore today I am starting the day with thanks and praying that through this practice of stating my thanks, my heart will continue to see the positive throughout my day.....

This One Might Be Cheesy

2011-10-04T06:28:00.000-07:00

I giving everyone a fair warning including myself, this one might have some cheese involved..... I am finding that on days full of boring, mundane tasks and chores that I don't enjoy, I tend to be grumpy and I complain a lot...Part of the point of the book One Thousand Gifts is practice makes perfect. Translated, even when I don't feel full of thanks, I should practice being thankful with my mouth and then my heart will hopefully begin to follow. Coming from a sports family that uses the phrase practice makes perfect quite often...here goes nothing:

61. Watching the little kids sit and have snack at church. (Sunday)
62. A Church that has amazing children's programs.
63. The preschoolers singing and dancing with praises to God.
64. The sun shining although briefly on a cold morning.
65. Loving volunteers to take care of and teach my children on a Sunday morning.
66. Family and friends to help with a screaming toddler at dinnertime.
67. A screaming toddler at dinnertime. (Yes I could do without the screaming but I couldn't imagine life without Ady.)
68. Friends to visit with. (Monday)
69. Mikaelyn to help with the laundry even if it is begrudgingly.
70. Kade and Mikaelyn to help with the dishes. Even when I have to finish the task, I am thankful they at least got it started.
71. Delicious food to cook.
72. Yummy fall treats....warm apple fritters.
73. All my children.....and each of their personalities.
74. A washer and dryer to do laundry with. (Tuesday)
75. Warm showers.
76. A toddler that wants my attention all the time.
77. Cartoons and music to make my toddler smile, sing, and dance.

Prayerfully by starting my day off with thanks, I will remember when I retreat into complaining, to give thanks instead.

A friend of mine posted on Twitter yesterday this: "PRO TIP: Instead of using #firstworldproblem to whine with impunity, try reflecting on how blessed you are and then not whine about it."

Thanks, friend...I really needed to read that yesterday. Because really, I am truly blessed and even in the hard moments, there are blessings and gifts to give thanks for.

A Full Day of Blessings

2011-09-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

So the kids were out of school today and we had a great but busy day. I am sitting on the couch exhausted and tired at the moment. Instead of stressing and worrying about what still needs to be done, I think I will remember the gifts from today.....
52. Dimples
53. Gentle breezes on a sunny afternoon.
54. Afternoon playtime at the park.
55. Dog ears on little girls particularly Ady.

56. Smiles when I rewarded Mikaelyn with getting to color her hair after a hard day of work at cleaning her room.
57. Motivation that works.
58. Haircuts that put smiles on my boys faces.
59. Excitement of Rylan teaching himself how to ride a bike without training wheels.

60. Strawberry donuts with sprinkles.

Some More Gifts

2011-09-28T17:47:00.000-07:00

40. Crickets singing.
41. Blankets of fog covering the earth.
42. Leaves drifting down from the tress above.
43. Giggling with Ady as she tries to bite my nose.
44. Lunch with my brother and his fmaily on his birthday.
45. Family that calls just to check on me.
46. Thunder rumbling
47. Tucker asking for a one eyed fish for Christmas and he says that's all he wants. (Good thing because it might take a while to find that one.)
48. The excitement of my boys over learning how to make cootie catchers.
49. The way the 2 boys play so well together. (most the time)
50. Phone calls with far away friends that feel like we are right next door.
51. Josh making it home to go to Rylan's baseball practice.

Return to Normalcy

2011-09-26T19:30:00.000-07:00

28. Half asleep smiles from my little girl.
29. Snuggling with my little boys.
30. Giggles from Ady when being tickled to death.
31. Smiles from Mikaelyn when she comes to tell me and Ady, "Good Morning!"
32. A house full of family visiting.
33. Cousins playing happily together.
34. Clean laundry.
35. Doctors
36. Heating pads
37. Cookies left over from the airplane ride home to keep a baby happy.
38. Birthdays
39. Grandmothers enjoying their great grandkids

Day 2

2011-09-24T17:55:00.000-07:00

12. The wind blowing in my hair.
13. The inticacies of a hibiscus flower.
14. Avocado eggrolls from Cheesecake Facotry and the person who created the recipe.
15. The beauty of lightening.
16. Laughing with my hubby.
17. Families praying together before breakfast.
18. The sound of kids palying in the pool reminding me of my own at home.
19. Texts from a friend about my baby girl that make me smile because of my the mental picture they create.
20. The songs of birds calling.
21. The details and beauty of all the different types of trees.
22. Reflections off a glasslike lake.
23. Wings of a dragonfly.
24. The slithering of a snail.
25. The smell of the ocean after a rain.
26. Puddles to splash in.
27. The wrapping of a vine up the trunk of a tree.

.....
So tonight is the last night of our vacation and I am already thinking of how I will remember to be thankful in the midst of day to day chaos once we return home. Today I tried to recognize God each time I saw something beautiful created by His hands. Tomorrow, I plan to do the same...but I know when the kids are fighting at the dinner table or running around the house screaming or ignoring me when I tell them it is time for bed, that it will take a very conscious effort not to retreat into an angry yelling mess. I pray that I can recognize the beauty in each of my kids in these moments of stress, I pray that I can recognize the lessons that can be learned, and I pray that they will see grace and thankfulness written all over my actions.

The Beginning of Something New

2011-09-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

So this story starts when my sister in law told the book "One Thousand Gifts" was a must read. I picked it up yesterday when my husband and I left for a vaction jsut the 2 of us for his birthday. I am 40% of the way through it and it is changing my perspective on life. Anyways, I am not going to tell you too much about the book because you need to pick it up and read it with your Bible by your side.

I have a hard time blogging because I am not the wittiest or best writer and I have a hard time thinking up what to write but I now have an idea that I think will help me. In the book, the author was challenged to write a list of 1000 gifts from God. I love the idea so much , I am going to start my own blog of 1000 or more gifts.

Now I know, I am not the 1st one to do this or will I be the last but since camp is over again and for some reason I always get a little philosophical around this time of year, I was already recognizing the little things in life. I am remembering that fact that sometimes it is more important to sit down and relish in the moment or the glory and grace of God, than to finish what you are doing. It is always amazing to me, that when I do this, the tasks I need to do seem more pleasant and they do get finished eventually.

Anyways to help me blog and to help me remember all the wonderful blessings(even the hard ones) in my life, I am starting this list. I hope there will be pictures, I hope that they bless anyone that reads this too, I hope that my kids read them, I hope that I reread them on the hard days, I hope that my sometimes silly childlike enthusiam over the simple things spills out onto this blog, I hope that it makes me smile more often, I hope that it makes me always remember to slow down and smell the roses, and I hope that I am always thankful for everything that God is.....

1. Vacations for just my husband and I.
2. Time to recooperate, rest and refill.
3. The excitement in Tucker's voice last night when he told me he had a field trip tomorrow (even though I think he was mistaken and the field trip is coming up)
4. The sand in my swim suit that reminds me of the beach.
5. The memories of my boys running from the waves at the beach.

6. The little geckos that are running all over the place in Florida.
7. Friends and family that take great pictures.
8. The giant tarpon fish that we were able to watch swim and be fed while we were eating dinner last night.

9. Friends willing to take care of my five crazy kids! (especially while we vacation)
10. The ability to fly in an airplane and see the world from above.
11. The puffiness of the clouds.

to be continued....

Camp Time Again

2011-06-16T05:28:00.000-07:00

It's the middle of June and I am full force into camp planning. I now have 6 work days left before I leave for Texas with my family for a family reunion and a wedding. YAY, I am so excited for seeing and spending time with family.

The whole kink in all of this is that Rylan has been sick since Sunday. Thankfully I have an AMAZING babysitter, I know is truly sent to us by God, that has cared for him the last 3 days. Last night I made the decision to work from home today and to let her take the 2 little ones. It is a good thing I made this decision because now Tucker is running a fever. So today, the babysitter is taking Ady and I am staying home to work and nurse 2 sick little boys.

In the midst of all of this, I should and normally would be totally stressed out BUT....I am not. I am thanking God daily for the wonderful caring woman that he brought into my kid's lives to care and love them. She even told me that she has made it her self-given purpose, too make my life a little easier, which she has. She is truly a blessing when I am trying to direct a camp for over 200 kids, 5 weeks, and 23 staff plus run a family of 5 children and a husband who is working over 50 hours a week.

Also, I am thanking God daily for an amazing staff/friends. I am not stressed about things getting done for camp. The senior staff team is amazing and has and will continue to plow through tasks. And our counselor staff is more than willing to jump in and help. Camp is truly blessed this year with an AMAZING team therefore I am truly blessed.

I LOVE CAMP, I LOVE MY FAMILY, and I LOVE GOD! He has been faithful to me in both. These hiccups in the road only make us stronger.... Please pray with me for health in my family and also my friends who have been around my family. Also, please pray for camp, that lives will be strengthed and that God will be glorified through everything we do!

Happy Belated 12th Birthday Mikaelyn!

2011-04-24T17:31:00.000-07:00

So this year has brought about many changes. You started middle school which brought about lots of growing up in many ways. You are growing into a beautiful young lady. You started off the year not caring a whole lot about fixing up.

You were still a little bit of a tom boy ...

but as the year progressed you started doing your hair every morning, WANTING to wear makeup(not until you are 13), and actually caring about your outfits. I like the change but you went from one extreme to another.

You love your little sister and are a tremendous help to me. She has a great big sister to look up to.

You are quite the social butterfly and want to spend the majority of your time with your friends. You have invited several of your friends to church this year therefore a big group of you and your friends now attend church and Bible study together on a weekly basis.

You are a great big sister to both of your brothers. Both your cousins and your little brothers love to hang out with you. Your imagination makes all play fun.

You will be a great babysitter.

You know how to be silly and have fun! But you definitely have enough sass to get you into trouble.

And you still love the camera. And it loves you! I love you so much beautiful! And I am enjoying watching you become the AMAZING young women that you are.

Happy 12th birthday!

Happy Late Birthday Rylan!

2011-04-19T10:09:00.000-07:00

So you are 7 years and 2 months old now and I can not believe how quickly you are growing up way to fast.

You have turned into quite the comedien. You love to tell jokes and be silly. Your giggle is contagious!

You are still quite the little athlete. If it is nice enough to be outside, you are. And you are usually playing baseball, football, or soccer. Recently you have decided you want to learn how to pitch and you are doing pretty well.

You love Legos and do very well putting them together. Although you only have the patience to sit still for so long. It usually takes a couple days to put them together.

You love your cousins and are always begging to play with L. Tucker and you have the strongest bond and spend tons of time together. Either playing Legos, pretend Pokemon, Bakugan, Beyblades, outside or whatever else you come up with.

You are really learning how to read and I am amazed every day by how good you are doing. You enjoy school most days but don't really like the homework. I think you would rather playing outside or Wii with your brothers.

You love your baby Ady and enjoy taking care of her. You enjoy playing with Mikaelyn and Kade but can only handle so much. Your strong will and resistance to loosing sometimes cause arguments.

Overall, you have grown so much and I love you all the world. I can't wait to see you grow each year.

First and Second Tooth for Tucker

2011-03-25T07:06:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of the month, Tucker lost his first tooth.

Still a little sad from loosing the first tooth.

Last night, he lost his second.

His new tooth was already coming in behind the baby tooth. You can kind of see in the picture. This tooth pull was also not quite as traumatic as you can see from the pictures.

Kade's 15th Belated Birthday

2011-03-15T16:04:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know it is March and Kade's birthday was in January but I have been in denial of the fact that my kids are getting older(this doesn't mean I'm getting older:)) especially Kade who is a little over a year away from driving. Eeeeekkkk.

We celebrated his birthday with all the family and he had his favorite cake, Mississippi Mud Cake!

I decided to make each kid a special day plate for their birthday this year. This is Kade's. Orange for UT and football for his obsession.

Kade, you have and are continuing to grow into a fine young man. You love sports and are excelling in both football and baseball in High School. Your hard work and determination is going to help you in life. You love your baby sister and do a pretty good job helping out when you are here. Rylan and Tucker both look up to you and when you take the time to slow down and enjoy them, you are great with them. You also enjoy going to school sporting events and cheering on your school. You are still doing well at school although you have had to learn a few lessons in taking initiative at making up work and homework. I am enjoying watching you grow and learn. I am looking forward to what God has planned for you and I pray that you seek His plan for your life.

Love you,
Mom

Ady Girl

2011-03-02T18:47:00.000-08:00

Ady in January!

Thanks friend for the fabulous picture.

Another New Recipe - Fesh Vegetable Lasagna

2011-03-02T18:03:00.000-08:00

Ok, so this time I tried Fresh Vegetable Lasagna out of the Southern Living 2011 issue. I decided to try this recipe out on my pregnant SIL and her family because I know they are veggie lovers.

The first step was to bake the zucchini, mushrooms, and garlic.

While the zucchini baked, I started the sauce...

The sauce had to simmer for about an hour.

After the zucchini finished, I baked the red and yellow bell peppers and the onions.

I then mixed the cheeses so that everything would be ready to layer.

I seperated out the mushrooms at my brother's request. I only layered them on half the lasagna.

I then went about layering the ingredients, sauce, noodles, sauce, cheese and veggies, then noodles, sauce, cheese, and veggies two more times.

Ready to go in the oven.

After baking for an hour.

Plated and ready to eat.

This was absolutely delicious. The vegetables really lightened it up.

Also, I did not realize that this was a low sodium recipe which is a plus in my book especially since it tasted so good. It also took the entire 3 or so hours to prepare. The sauce has to simmer for an hour and then the lasagna bake for an hour which takes up the majority of that time. I will definitely be making this again.

Tucker Funny Part 2

2011-02-28T17:06:00.000-08:00

So tonight, we let the boys watch AFV and they laughed so hard.

There was a clip with a big dog and a boy about 10 years old. The little boy went to pick up a baseball and the dog, well, he jumped on his back and held on. The boy and the dog jumped around for awhile. Tucker was laughing so hard and then says, "I think they are doing the best friend dance."

Well, it's something like that.

Real Moms Real Laughs Part 1

2011-02-24T19:28:00.000-08:00

So probably 4 or so years ago, I think I could have won the Mom of the Year award....well, maybe not. The lady in the checkout line behind me at the grocery store didn't think so.

I was standing in the line putting my groceries on the belt when she tapped me on the shoulder saying, "Mam, your son is trying to put a plastic bag on his head."

And yes, he ended up with the plastic bag because I gave it to him. I had the 2 youngest boys at the grocery store. Tucker was probably 2 1/2 and Rylan around 4. I had picked up an extra produce bag on accident and well Tucker kept trying to take it from me. So not thinking, I handed it to him and well, while standing in the checkout line, he decided to try and put it on his head.

I could tell the lady behind me was appalled and scared justifiably so. And I wish I could say that this is the only time that I absentmindedly handed my child something they shouldn't have.

Share in some more Real Mom Laughs

Food

2011-02-24T18:44:00.000-08:00

So I am back sort of . . . at least I'll try. I have a friend that loves to craft and comes up with all sorts of crafty little hand made projects that are fabulous! Her craftiness has inspired me to be a little crafty.... sort of. I am crafting with food instead.

I love trying new recipes and well I always desire for them to look as pretty as the picture in the magazine or on TV. Well I have been working on that.

Tonight, I tried Spicy Mango Shrimp from Southern Living. Thanks to my grandmother, I am now receiving the magazine and my goal is to try at least one new recipe every month from it. This one was a huge hit.

I used my prep bowls from Pampered Chef to seperate the chopped ingredients. This really helped decrease the mess and it was awesome to have everything cut and ready to cook when needed.

I then started the rice as stated in the recipe and then began cooking the shrimp.

The next step was to saute the veggies, seasonings, and mango.

I loved the way this looked. It is so colorful and pretty. Final step was to add the shrimp back in to the mixture.

Once the rice was finished, I was ready to serve.

The final product was almost as pretty as the picture and it was absolutely scrumptious.

All the kids ate it, although Tucker doesn't love shrimp so he only ate a little. Mikaelyn thought it was a little too spicy but that doesn't take much for her. Josh, Kade and I all went back for seconds.

Thank you Southern Living for a fabulous recipe. Also, I was really impressed with the amount of time it took to cook this. The recipe says 35 minutes but I figured it would take much longer because it's me cooking it. Overall, it only took me about 45 minutes from start to finish and my shrimp were frozen which probably added a little time.

Operation Christmas Child Party

2010-11-02T14:06:00.000-07:00

Today I turned my house into a Operation Christmas Child packing store. My good friend took pictures and wrote about the event perfectly. We had a great time and I would definitely do it again! Enjoy the pics!

2 Firsts in 1 Weekend

2010-10-27T06:25:00.000-07:00

So this last weekend was crazy and so much fun!

Mikaelyn had her first dance which Josh and I chaperoned. It was fun for both her and us. It brought back memories of middle school. In fact, they danced to a lot of the same music we did in Middle School. They are even dressing similar to the way we did. She went with a group of girls and pretty much danced in a cluster with them the entire time. The funny thing is she has a boy she calls her "boyfriend" who "asked her to the dance." We still have figured out exactly what that meant since they said "Hi" to each other maybe twice the whole night. (lol) Oh the joys of middle school. Anyways here are a couple pics for the night.

The other FIRST of the weekend was Kade's first homecoming. He had a date and took her out to dinner beforehand. They got all dressed up and he bought her a wrist corsage. To all our Texas family, we figured out that we are the only state that does Homecoming Mums. Up here, they keep it simple with corsages and I had to find pictures of what a mum was. I posted a link for all my Maryland firends to see. Here are a few pics of Kade all dressed up.

I think he had a good time. We took them to dinner and then to the dance. It was fun to be a part of it and it definitely brings back memories and makes me feel old.

Bedtime Conversations

2010-10-12T17:41:00.000-07:00

So tonight, Rylan and Tucker were brushing their teeth. Here is the conversation I ovehear:

Rylan: Did you know that 20 million years from know the sun is going to get so hot and blow up.
Tucker: Then everyone will die.
Rylan: It will destroy the world.
Tucker: Will God make another world?
Rylan: I don't know.
Tucker: God died.
Rylan: No, God doesn't die.
Tucker: Uh huh, then he rose again in 3 days.
Rylan: Oh, that was Jesus.
Tucker: Oh yeah, Jesus, God's son.

So I took the opportunity to then talk to them about Jesus and what he did for us.

They told me the facts which they know by heart. Given that they have heard it every week of the last 3 summers at least once a week plus countless other times. Then they had all sorts of other questions about heaven and what it means when you die. I then told them that if they were ever ready to ask Jesus into the heart and to accept what he did for them, to come and talk to daddy or me. I gave them big kisses and said good night.

About 5 minutes later, Tucker hollers, mommy can you come say that prayer with me. I asked, "What do you mean, Tucker." He said, "To ask Jesus to be with me forever." So I asked him several questions about Jesus and what he did for us. He seemed to know all the answers and understand so we prayed together. It was so sweet.

I then turned to Rylan and told him I loved him, and to let me kow if he had any other questions. He was silent for a moment and then said, " Well mom, if I pray does that mean I have to go to heaven now?" So then I wanted to cry. I tried to explain the best I could. But somehow my 1st grader, has developed a fear of death. He even asked what would happen to him if his daddy and I died. Talk about my heart breaking. He also informed me that he would take care of Ady. So needless to say, Rylan and I will have some more conversations soon.

Ady's screaming, gotta go.....

Please Stop Singing

2010-10-11T15:51:00.000-07:00

Watch Ady's face.....Enough said!!!

Brotherly Love & Bedtime Prayers

2010-09-28T17:16:00.000-07:00

Rylan and Tucker have started sleeping in the same bed together. They both found since they were no longer allowed to come into our bed that sleeping together would solve their problems. Both boys say that they have nightmares about bad guys. We have also talked extensively about asking God to help them sleep and to take the bad dreams away.

So tonight, when I was walking downstairs, I stopped midway because I heard the boys talking and this is what I heard:

Tucker: Please, plesae, please take the bad guys guys and the bad dreams away, and please help Rylan to sleep. I love you so much. Thank you God.

Rylan: Thank you God for all the good things you do for us. Please please please take care of me while I sleep and take the bad guys and bad dreams away. Please take care of Tucker while he sleeps and don't let him have any bad dreams about bad guys. I love you, God.

This made me smile for so many reasons:
1. They prayed on their own.
2. They both gave thanks and praise to God while presenting their requests.
3. They prayed for each other!

I love my boys!

Rylan and His Puppy Dog Eyes

2010-09-21T05:34:00.000-07:00

I have officially decided that Rylan has the biggest saddest puppy dog eyes ever. This year, he has had a hard time with going to school. For some reason, he does not want to go in the mornings. He loves school and is having tons of fun and learning sooooo much but getting out the door is torture.

This morning in particular, he sat at the end of our driveway with a sad puppy dog face wiping crocidile tears from his eyes so that his friends wouldn't see him crying. He came back up the driveway twice for more hugs and kisses. And I wanted to just take him in my arms and tell him, he didn't have to go and I would just hug him and hold him all day. But instead, I did the responsible mom thing, and gave him a hug and kiss and told him how much fun he was going to have and that he better hurry so he didn't miss the bus.

But right now, my heart is breaking, I wish I could be a fly on the wall so that I could see his laughter and smiles and KNOW that he is having a great time...

Anyone have any suggestions, to make my mornings easier???

My Morning with My Sweet and Stubborn Fourth

2010-09-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

So this morning, I asked Tucker to go get dressed for school. He had decided he was not going to school, so he informed me that he was not going and then preceded to remind me of the promise I made to him at the beginning. Which was, if he was not having fun by the end of this term, I would not make him go back next time. I then told him it was not the end of the term and reminded him that he has fun every day that he goes. He still laid on my bed half crying and telling me, "He was not going." I then told him that he was, and if he was not dressed when it was time to leave, I was taking him in his pajamas. He still does not budge.

Thankfully my dear friend and his BFF's mom was running early and offered to come and get him. I informed Tucker of this and told him he might want to get dressed. So he decides to get dressed but also informs me, he is still not going to school. So then comes the next stubborn streak. He digs his shorts from yeaterday out of the hamper and puts them on. I ask him to take them off and put some clean ones on so I can wash the ones he is wearing. He told me he wanted to wear them so I asked him how I was going to wash them with him wearing them.

His response, "You can just throw me in the washer with them!" Lovely....

So I decided the battle over the shorts was not worth it and let him wear them. His BFF shows up and he jumps in the car happily and goes to school. WHAT???? Why did we spend 45 minutes or more of him telling me he was not going and wanted to stay home with mommy forever? While I find the need to be with me, flattering, I need him to go to school and use some of his stubbornness on someone else for a while.

I love my Tucker and he is prooving to be as stubborn as his big sister. It is a good thing they are both sweet.

Tucker Funny

2010-09-09T06:32:00.000-07:00

Tucker had his first day of preschool yesterday. He told me he did not want to go but all morning he sat with his backpack on all morning. He was begging to leave an hour before time to be there. When we got there, he did not want to get out of the car until his friend that is a girl, Hannah got there. (he gets embarrassed when anyone calls her his girlfriend)

So when I qwas picking him up, he was all smiles and had just gotten a washable tattoo.

His teacher told me, "I gave Tucker his tattoo but after I did he was worried and said he didn't want it. He told me he didn't want it because his Great Nanny was coming soon and she didn't like tattoos."

I started laughing. I guess sometime he overheard a conversation about how my grandmother does not like tatoos. Who knows how long ago and my 5 year old son was worried about disappointing his Great Nanny. It was quite adorable.

God Made Me to Be a ....

2010-09-08T12:05:00.000-07:00

Growing up I spent so much time thinking about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a marine biologist, a psychologist, a teacher, a coach, a business women, and many other choices. Never did I ever want to be a stay at home mom. But 32 years later, I think I have finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I know without a doubt that God created me to be a MOM!!!!

I love my job with a passion and I realized that the two weeks after camp was over this summer. We were beginning to settle back into the routine of life and I realized how much I missed my job as a mom. Don't get me wrong, I love camp and I believe that God brought it into my life for a reason. I get to do something I love part time without neglecting my full time job.

I enjoy managing 5 different schedules, being a taxi, a cheerleader, a coach, a nurse, a comforter, a pillow, a tissue, a comedian and whatever else my job demands. And yes, sometimes I grumble a little about all the busyness but I really love it. I also am not perfect at my job but my bosses are the most forgiving in the world. The rewards are daily hugs, kisses, and smiles upon their faces.

So, yes I love camp (which is basically being a mom to 200+ kids) but I truly have enjoyed settling back into the routine of my full time job of MOM to what I must say are 5 of the best bosses ever.

So I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up... GOD MADE ME TO BE A MOM!!!

I know, 3 of them are missing but this is the only picture I have with me in it (because I am usually the photographer too)

Friday Night Football

2010-09-07T06:24:00.000-07:00

Being from Texas, high school Friday night football was always a big deal. We had tons of fun at the games and there was a lot of time and effort built into the games. I loved every minute of being a cheerleader for high school football. We made posters for each and every player every week, we spent lots of time and energy preparing for a weekly pep rally, we decorated stadiums and lockers, and many other things. High School football would make a 15,000 seat stadium look full for a good game. The players always entered the field through a run through made by the cheerleaders. There was always a lot of noise!!!

So when we attended our first Friday night high school football game here in Maryland, I was a little bummed at the lack of ..... TEXAS!

but .... the excitement quickly returned when our JV team that Kade is the starting full back for stomped the opposing team, and not to mention, our son ran for a 70 yard touchdown. It was awesome and we are so proud of him. Here are some pics of the run. Watch #44...

That smile was planted on his face for quite a while!!!

We are hoping to bring a little bit of TEXAS excitement to Friday night football!!!

Happy Belated Birthday Tucker!

2010-09-04T06:48:00.000-07:00

Happy 5th birthday little boy! You are a shining light in our lives.

This year you were very in to super heros, Star Wars, and Legos. You were Iron Man for halloween and there were many days, we would turn our heads and you would have your costume on. You wanted to wear it everywhere!

Your birthday party was a Super Hero theme and you wanted everyone to wear their costumes! Your Uncle Shaun played along and you loved it. Granted it was the beginning of July and already 95 degrees outside but you wore your costume the majority of the day and could care less that most of the other kids, did not have them on.

You love to play with your older sister becuase she shares your imagination and quirkiness. You 2 are always creating your own worlds and playing for hours.

You absolutely adore your little sister. You are very concerned when she cries and always making her laugh. You also love to dress her and are actually pretty good at it. She even had to have her own Super Hero costume.

We love you Tucker! I pray you always keep your individuality, you always make everyone smile, and that the love and compassion that you share with others grows with you each and every year. I love you!

Beautiful Number 5

2010-09-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

I know, I know 3 1/2 months late, I am finally welcoming little Ady to the blogging world. As an excuse, I will use camp, which I started working full time 4 weeks after she was born. Camp was awesome by the way but I will get to that later. This is about the little joy that God has blessed our family with.

On May 13th, we welcomed Adyson Anne to our family. She is beautiful and healthy. Ady is a bundle of joy and is making life very easy for me. Much easier on the outside than she was on the inside.

I don't know how I got so lucky to be blessed with a baby that is as complacent as this one. She sleeps almost all night long and has since week 4. She also puts herself to sleep which is amazing to me as none of the others did. She sleeps through all the madness and mayhem of our household including family dinners.

And yes, she does do more than sleep. She is really beginning to smile and laugh at all of us! She thinks we are all a riot. She loves playing with her toys. She is crasping things and putting them in her mouth already or at least trying. She bats at toys above her head. She soaks everything around her in.

Oh and she makes the best pouty faces. Most people say she is a miniature version of Tucker. Her faces including her pout make me think of him.

She truly adds a little extra bit of joy in each of our lives. All of her siblings absolutely adore her.

Well, more to come later, Ady is hollering.

(Thanks, Jen for the pics!!!)

My 3 Baseball Players

2010-05-12T18:30:00.000-07:00

So baseball season has begun and yes, this year we have 3 boys playing. Thankfully this year the 2 little ones are on the same team. We still feel like we live at the ball fields though.

Kade is doing well and the season is just beginning tomorrow. These are from the first scrimmage. Josh is one of the coaches and I love these pictures that shows the intensity in both of them.

Rylan is by far the most intense and focused player on his team. He loves the sport and is great at it.

Tucker is doing surprisingly well for being the absolute youngest on the team. He always has a smile on his face and is looking over shoulder to make sure we are all watching when he does something well.

The Logic of a Kindergartener

2010-04-25T11:57:00.000-07:00

So Josh's mom, Nana, is staying with us to help me until and after Baby Ady comes. The other night she was tucking the boys into bed and Rylan looked at Nana and said,
"Nana I know why you are so short."
Nana says, "Really, why?"
Rylan "You are getting old so you are shrinking!"

Nana just had to laugh. In reality she is just short and always has been but it is funny to see how a little mind works. Where do they get this stuff?????

Happy Birthdays to the 3 Oldest!!!

2010-04-21T14:21:00.000-07:00

Since I have yet to post birthday posts and updates for my 3 oldest, they are getting a combined post so that I can move on to other events that need posted.

Kade turned 14 this year. Aaaggggghhhhhh! He starts high school next year and boy does that make us feel old. He absolutely hates having his picture taken and refuses to smile or stand still so I have absolutely no good pictures of him.

At least his mom, Jami, knows how to smile. Kade is an incredible big brother and spends lots of time outside playing baseball with them. He loves football and baseball and is doing well at both.

Rylan turned 6 this year. He has grown up so much this year. I think school does that to them. He has made friends easily this year and insisted on inviting all of them to his party but only BOYS! He didn't even want moms, aunts, meme, and girl cousins to come. We did anyways though.

He loves sports and excels as just about all of them. Everything is a competition and he does not loose well. But he is learning. He has a tender heart and is as sweet as can be. I think he has really enjoyed his time away at school and growing up but he still loves coming home and playing with his little brother.

Mikaelyn turned 11 this year. She is growing up too fast as she finishes her 5th grade year and gets ready to start Middle School.

She is an incredible big sister and cousin to all the little ones. They love to play school, babies, or whatever else they come up with. She also love sto dig in the dirt with the boys which they love. She loves to sing, dance, and ride her bike. She never sits still and is always full of energy. I am not always her best friend and that's OK because I know that one day that will change. We still love to shop, read and enjoy good food and treats together.

Oh yeah and she is completey opposite of her older brother and loves the camera!!! So I have tons of pics of her.

A Little Glimpse of Chaos

2010-04-02T06:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Mikaelyn, Rylan and Tucker and I decided to venture out to the Cherry Blossom festival with my parents. The plan was to leave around 3:00. I think we got out about 3:30.

Thus the chaos begins: Before we left, my dad looked down and noticed I had a little less then a 1/4 of a tank of gas which I said should be fine to get us there and back. I mentioned we coulc stop at Costco and get some more since we where right there. We decided we were already running behind so we would just go. About halfway down 29 my dad's eye starts bothering him so we pull over and I drive.

We get down to the DC area and traffice is horrendous and I HATE driving in the city. Tucker chimes in, I have to go to the bathroom so we make him hold it a bit. (I did not realize that he had drank a entire bottle of Gatorade in the time we were driving - he never drinks that much) When he says again he has to go, we decided to use the Gatorade bottle and well let him refill it. We are still driving and stuck in traffic and 5 minutes later he has to go again. We pull out the bottle. (Although Tucker thought we should just pull over as someone's house and ask them if he can borrow the bathroom - Sweet Innocence) We finally get to the actual city and traffic is still AWFUL but let me just say my hubby would be proud of me because this normally passive driver stuck her nose out in fron tof many many people to get where I needed to go. Tucker has to go to the bathroom again!!!! Third time to fill the bottle. At this point, he has completely refilled it. I also look down and realize my gas light is on and we are STUCK!!! I start getting really nervous that we won't make it to a parking lot because of how INCREDIBLY SLOW we were moving. I make the decision with my brother's help(by phone) to cut across 3 lanes of traffic and turn around to find a gas station, praying the entire time that our fumes will get us there. Around 6:30, we made it to the gas station!!!

All of us (even Tucker) have to use the bathroom at this point so we do. And we start towards the National Mall again. (Yes, I know most people would have given up by now, but not us.) Traffic has eased a little but is still pretty bad. We get to the same spot where I turned around and Rylan says that he does not feel good. Mom turns around and he is GREEN!!! I find a plastic trash bag just in time to catch the contents of his stomach. Well the bag had a hole in it so I scramble to find another one and I do. Granted at this point Rylan has to change clothes and all I have is his jacket and some sweat pants. He changes and mom and the kids decide to get out and walk. They jump out and my dad decides to join them. I continue driving.

I finally find a place to park and I get out and meet the rest of the crew by the Tidal Basin and thus am finally able to get the pictures that I wanted to get in the first place. Granted it is almost 8:00 by the time I get out of the car. So here are the pics. And Yes even amongst all the chaos, we had a pretty good time and learned a couple of things. Number 1 for sure is what I knew before, NEVER NEVER NEVER drive to DC. Take the metro instead.

My Sweet Ry is Getting too Big

2010-03-26T15:16:00.000-07:00

So this afternoon, I was snuggled on the couch with the 2 little boys reading a book while they were watching "Barnyard." Next thing I know I looked over at Ry and he was rubbing his sweet little eyes. I asked him what was wrong, he explained that he was sad because of the movie. It was at the part where the dad dies and he was crying, truly crying. It was so sweet yet so sad at the same time.

Round 2 This Week and It Is Still Going

2010-02-10T11:22:00.000-08:00

A Very Merry Christmas

2010-02-10T07:26:00.000-08:00

I know it is February, but as I am sitting here in yet the second blizzard in a week and am supposed to be resting, I have a little extra time on my hands. I do have to say I am a little jealous of all my firends that are getting all there cleaning done.

So here is our Christmas!!!

We let Rylan, Tucker and Mikaelyn (Kade was with his mom) open one present on Christmas Eve. This was just too cute of a picture.

Early Christmas morning and Mikaelyn had just seen the skateboard she had been begging for and I told her there was no way she was getting it. Obviously Santa thought she needed it:)

Santa left $5 in ones in the stockings. By the look on Rylan's face, you would have thought it was $100 or more. I love it when they are so easy to please.

Mikaelyn insisted on buying her brothers a Beta fish . She was so excited to bring it down and show them. They loved it and yes, it is still alive.

Santa brought the little boys this basketball/soccer/football throw/baseball net for outside. Granted, since we have had record breaking snow this winter, it is still inside and has become quite the indoor basketball arena for both big and little kids alike. (and DAD) And yes I have to cringe everytime the big kids get involved. They have only broken one thing though.

Tucker loved digging through his stocking. I will say the Star Wars boxer shorts have been one of the biggest hits of the day.

Kade loved his shoes, I think. It is not often, we even get that much of a smile out of him. Gotta love those teenagers.

Meme and Papa with all their grandkids. I thought this picture captured the craziness of the morning!

And here is Jami with all of here semi adopted nieces and nephews or whatever. I don't know that Jami ever knew what she was getting into when we all moved to Maryland, but I have to say we all feel truly blessed to have her around. The kids love her and they all know that Jami will spoil them rotten with a simple hug and kiss. Our lives wouldn't be the same without her. She has become like a sister to me.

Overall, it was an incredible day. The kids never got out of their pajamas. We played games and spent lots of time together. As always, the only thing that would have made the day better, is to have all of our family from Texas here with us. We love you all and hope that these pictures (even in February) help us share a little piece of our day with you.

Snow, Snow, and More Snow

2010-02-07T10:25:00.000-08:00

I am going to let my pictures speak for me.

I am sure we will have more in the days to come.

Pictures of our Baby Girl

2010-01-25T09:18:00.000-08:00

Our Sweet Little Nugget

2010-01-09T05:55:00.000-08:00

So about 2 weeks ago, we got the first really good pictures of our sweet little nugget. You are a girl as you already knew, but we were all patiently awaiting to find out what you were. Everyone is so excited to welcome you into our world and hold you in their arms. Your older sister, Mik, has waited a long time for a little girl to spoil and take care of. You will never be lacking in all things girlie when she is around. Your youngest brothers, Tuck and Ry very interested in how you are growing in my belly. Tuck is always climbing around all over you and giving you kisses and hugs. He can't wait to smother you with them when you are here. Ry was a little unsure of having a little girl around, he was kind of looking forward to another little brother but he changed his mind very quickly when your daddy told him that he could still teach you little boy things. So beware, you will probably be the most well rounded little girl out there. I know Kade is thrilled also but you know he is a teenager and shows his enthusiasm a little less thatn everyone else. He will probably be the one that spoils you the most and shows you off the most. Your daddy is excited to have a sweet baby girl! Last night you actually kicked him for the first time. 23 weeks old and you are kicking away. I can't wait to have your big brothers feel you kick them. I am patiently awaiting your arrival and can't wait to see your perfect blend of your daddy and me. I love you and keep growing healthy and strong.

We Wish You a Merry Christmas!!! Happy Birthday Jesus!!!

2009-12-24T12:41:00.000-08:00

I pray that everyone has a blessed Christmas!!!

and in the midst of all the madness, remember what it's all about! Thank you God for what you have done in our lives. Thank you for your Son, my Savior!!!

Our youngest says Merry Christmas also.

"Let it Snow"

2009-12-20T16:50:00.000-08:00

There is nothing like almost 2 feet of snow to slow things down a bit. I LVOED IT! This weekend it started snowing Friday night and did not stop until early Sunday morning. I think it was my first official "blizzard."

We decided to make the most of it and Saturday we let the kids open one of their Christmas presents (know ing that it was games) from our family in Texas.

Then we spent the rest of the afternoon playing games as a family.

Today, we started the day off playing in the snow. Or digging out the cars in the driveway.

Tucker enjoyed eating the snow more than anything!

Rylan thought a snowball fight with Papa would be fun until Papa caught him and buried him in the snow. He was not to fond of snow in his face.

Mikaelyn had a friend over and they went sledding and built a fort. I could not keep her inside!

Josh and Kade both shoveled the driveway.

When we came back in, the boys, Josh and I spent more time playing games. Thank you Aunt Julie and Uncle Danny, we have made great use of your presents. The boys love them!!!

We also made sugar cookies for Santa and

Tucker.

Dad even helped! We had loads of fun and will have cookies to eat for the rest of the week.

These are the things, I love about winter and Christmas. I even got some Christams present wrapped today while listening to Christmas music!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS! and to all my Maryland friends, ENJOY THE SNOW!!!

The "I Want Thats" of this Season

2009-12-17T05:18:00.000-08:00

I am beginning to see that I have set my children up, especially the younger ones, to drive me crazy this Christmas. This year has been a great year for us, but we did not spend a lot of extra. We tried to pay off debt and not build debt, therefore when the kids wanted something extra, we usually said no and then I proceeded to tell them, "If it is something you really want, put it on your Christmas list." This has led to the constant statement of " I want THAT for Christmas." uggggghhhhhh

I am quickly realizing this was a mistake with the youngest for sure. T has a Christmas list, the length of the roll of toilet paper and automatically assumes he is getting everything on it. I also realized the other day that he assumes all of it comes for no cost. This is the conversation that we had:

T: "I want Lego Batman for the DS."
Me: "You don't have a DS and are probably not going to get one for Christmas. You have other game systems and they cost a lot of money."
T: "Even at Christmas???"
Me: "Well, yes honey, somebody has to pay for it."
T: Completely baffled and confused

Since the conversation, I have realized that he thinks that a lot of this will coe from Santa and he does not pay for things. I am a little baffled because we usually only do one small thing from Santa and don't really build him that much.

With all that being said, I LOVE CHRISTMAS! I love to celebrate the birth of our Savior!!! I love Christmas carols! I love the decorations and lights! And I even love giving gifts on the day when we celebrate the greatest gift God ever gave us!"

I have learned that I will try to do it differently next year! I am not for sure how, but I know that I want my kids to not be so focused on getting everything they WANT and more focused on the JESUS!!!

Last night I took all the kids to Baltimore, to an inner city church where they were having a Christmas party for inner city kids. We had a great time and I loved seeing the gigantic SMILES on the kids faces when they received the one present they will probably get for Christmas!!! I loved hearing them sing Christmas carols and shout the name of JESUS! I loved watching them learn the real resaon for this season!!!

My prayer for the rest of Christmas is that my kids don't loose the real reason we celebrate Christmas in all the hype of everything else.

Dinner Time

2009-12-15T08:44:00.000-08:00

About 3 to 4 times a week, we all get to sit down at the dinner table at one time which is great! We say that it is so we can all spend time talking and catching up with what is going on but ...

This is what it usually turns in to:

6:30 Josh walks in the door.
6:35 Mom: "Alright kids, it is time for dinner. Turn the TV of and wash your hands."
6:35 1/2 ALL CHAOS STARTS
One of the kids: "Do we have to turn the TV off???????"
Mom: "YES!!!! Now hurry up and get to the table."
Ry and T (getting to the table): "OOOOOHHHHHH, I don't like that!!! Do I have to eat it!!!"
K: Trying to talk over the madness and tell dad something
Mik: singing and dancing up to the kitchen table
Mom: "YES, you are going to eat your dinner or starve, so sit down and quit whining." "Mik, stop singing and sit down."
All of us: Finally sitting
Dad: "Who wants to say the blessing."
Someone starts usually one of the big kids.
Mik: glares at Ry and T for eating while praying

Once through the prayer, we all start eating and usually at least 2 or 3 different conversations start at the table at the same time. Whoever is not involved in the conversations is usually singing, whining, or making some kind of noise.

Also, mixed within are the standard comments:

"Sit down and eat."
"Quit leaning your chair back."
"Please don't interrupt and wait your turn to talk"
"Pease quit smacking."

At the end of the dinner, we are all exhausted but usually we have had at least one good conversation. And even through all the chaos, I LOVE IT. I would not trade out large family for anything. Can you even imagine what it is like when we have my mom and dad and Shaun and Jen's family over, too?

Another Fall Fun Post

2009-12-07T07:18:00.000-08:00

So I was cleaning off my camera and found some pictures that I took while cleaning up the leaves in our yard. I figured I better post these before I do Christmas.

They did actually help with the yard but those pictures were not quite as cute as all the others.

These are some of the last pictures that we took with Angel before we found her a new home. (and yes I do miss her at times) We decided that she needed a family that had a fenced yard where she could run if she wanted to. She also needs someone that will run or walk her every day. We have some great friends that found her a home with a family that the mom is a runner and runs with her several miles every morning most days of the week. We know she is happy and in a great home. As far as Mikaelyn, she is sad but is also happy that Angel is in a good home. She is already trying to figure out what her next pet will be:)

Halloween 2009

2009-11-02T08:50:00.000-08:00

We had a blast all day on Saturday! The day started with a trip back to the farm Tucker and I visited the day before. This place was amazing!

Kade found his amusement by pestering a turkey and the turkey almost got him.

Tucker loved feeding the goats. Mikaelyn was in love with the bunnies. She was really wishing she could have one.

The farm also had this gigantic slide that the kids loved!!! I think they all went about 50 times each.

We also went through a 5 acre corn maze which was lots of fun but never-ending. Then when we went on a hay ride and picked some pumpkins.

After the farm, we went home and got ready for K's first playoof football game. He played awesome! He even got a touchdown.

Then it was back home for pizza and then trick or treating! The kids were so excited to get dressed up and go. K went with some buddies this year so I do not have a picture of him.

T loved going to the door and saying trick or treat. He would then get about half way down the driveway and then yell THANK YOU back to the house because he forgot at the door.

Fall Pumpkins

2009-10-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

More to come in the next few days!

Happy Way Belated 4th Birthday T!!!

2009-10-18T17:23:00.000-07:00

Alright, so I think that part of the reason I have not blogged lately is the fact that I feel horribly guilty for never posting a birthday post for T. So better late than never!

T you are 4 years old and the youngest for the time being. I never have to worry about you feeling left out, your personality makes sure that everyone knows you are here. You are a ball of fire and I love every minute of it.

You are very eager to learn and you are always striving to be like your older brother Ry. (sometimes I think just to annoy him) You and Ry are constantly in a "anything you can do, I can do better" battle. You are never to be far behind.

"Marching to beat the beat of your own drum" seems to be a phrase I use to describe you quite often. Never do you get in a hurry for anything, no matter how hard I try. And you pretty much expect people to just wait for you to catch up. You love to be at home which is so different than me and your siblings. Many times while we are out, you will ask "Can we just go home?"

You are all boy and love to wrestle and tackle anyone that will play rough with you. You also have a heart of gold. You feel horrible anytime you accidentally someone or someone's feelings.

You love all your little cousins and any baby's that happen to be around. You tend to be a mother hen when little ones are around. (which is going to be so cute when your new little sibling comes along) You also know how to work your oldest cousin Bean to your advantage. The 2 of you play very well together, but she loves to play house and you love to play dinosaurs or Star Wars. So the other day when you wanted to play dinosaurs and Bean did not, you quickly suggested, "But you can be a princess dinosaur." Making all things better.

Happy late birthday, sweetie! We would not know what to do without you! You brighten our days!

Missing Something????

2009-08-19T15:56:00.001-07:00

We pulled our first tooth last night! It is hard to tell because the new one was already coming in behind the baby tooth. I think we are in trouble though because he realized how easy it was to pull and now he knows the tooth fairy will come. He also realizes that what he wants to buy he needs more money for. I think tooth number 2 is probably not far behind.

Personality Blending

2009-08-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

It is always amazing to me how each of my children have their own unique personalities blended from both mom and dad and their Heavenly Father.

Ry, I could never teach. He does not learn well with me. As sweet and adorable as he is, he is a strong type A personality. He wants everything to be perfect and if he can't do something right on the first try, well he just doesn't want to do it. At least for me!!! I have been trying all summer to get him to swim and he just refused every single time. Today, he goes over to meme's house to swim and about 30 minutes after he jumps in, I get a phone call telling me that he is swimming on his own. WHAT???? Why wouldn't he do that for me? He was so proud and excited to tell me all about it though! Rylan is a pleaser.

T, on the other hand, is a self learner. He watches, observes, and then just does. He also seems to grasp the fact that practice makes perfect. He has been swimming for at least a week or two now and well, he pretty much taught himself. He is a go getter.

K is a lot like Ry and approaches things with timidity and perfectionism. He wants to do everything correct the first time and doesn't like to have to try again. He won't ask a lot of questions if he doesn't know how to do something. He will figure it out though by observing but he doesn't usually try it until he knows he can do it.

Mik on the other hand is like T, she sees what she wants and then practices until she gets there. It doesn't really matter how many times she messes up before she gets there. She seems to not put a whole lot of thought into something brfore she tries it. If it seems like it might work, she just tries. Why not?

I love watching each of my kids grow and learn in their own unique way. I can't wait to see what God is going to do with their personalities and traits. I know that He has big plans for each of them and I am patiently waiting to see how He uses their uniqueness.

So now for the fun part:

For each of you that nows my husband and I, just curious to see what traits you see in Josh and I. I think it will be fun to spark a little discussion.

First Monday After Camp

2009-08-10T06:58:00.000-07:00

So I am sitting here on my couch the first Monday since camp is over trying to figure out what to do. Trust me, it is not for the lack of things to do but the lack of motivation.

Camp was amazingly awesome. We got to see God work in so many people's lifes it was inspiring. The counselors that worked with camp this summer were each put into the exact positions that they held. They truly loved camp and the kids that they worked with day in and day out. I think that most of them would say the their hearts were changed throughout camp and that they learned a lot about themselves throughout the process. The campers themselves were amazing. God's vision of using camp as a way of building bridges into the community was definitely played out this year. We had many families that attended camp that did not belong to Grace and we were able to build relationships with all of these families and most of them, told us on the last day that they would definitely be back next year. Camp created a safe, healthy envirionment that parent's could feel incredibly comfortable bringing their children. They knew that the kids were having a great time, building new relationships and taking one step further in their development. It was encouraging to hear parent's say over and over again, that they felt blessed to be able to leave their kids with us. It helped them to have worry free day. My own kids love camp and everything about it. With all that being said, I am welcoming my week of recooperation.

So the things that got left behind during camp:

1. My house
2. My laundry
3. day to day snuggling and playing with the kids
4. Our new ministry of working with LC leaders and young adults
5. Back to school shopping (Ry starts this year)
6. Friends
7. Family

I am sure this list does not include them all but these are what is weighing on me, now. So as for things slowing down, I don't think it ever does. This week and the next 3 weeks, my hopes are to take care of the basics but to spend the majority of my time with my kids, family and friends enjoying every last second of the summer with a few work days in between to wrap up camp and to get started on the new and exciting things we are doing. I better quit typing now so I can clean and do a little laundry because my kids are looking forward to the pool later today.

Boys will be Boys

2009-07-25T18:49:00.000-07:00

So, the last few months have been totally consumed with camp. The kids and I are absolutely loving it but are completely overwhelmed with busyness. I thought this was blogworthy though.

Ry has really enjoyed hanging out with other boys his age and a little older. One of the little boys in his group has taught Ry the art of making farting noises with his armpit and boy is he excited. Everywhere we go, he is practicing this new art. Wait, it gets better, the other night I get upstairs and Ry is helping T place his arm correctly in his armpit so that he too can do this. Granted, T didn't figure it out yet. Ry sweetly informs him, "It's OK T, you will get it when you get older."

Ry can't wait until K gets home so that he can show him his new trick.

This Average Monday

2009-06-01T18:26:00.001-07:00

7:00 Wake up to one of the boys crawling in bed with me.
This morning, it was T asking if he could play Wii. I said no, we were going to his Uncle's house and he told me he was mad at me.

7:15 Crawl out of bed and Wake Mik up

7:30 Eat breakfast and Snuggle with the boys for a bit (skipped the snuggling this morning)

8:00 Send Mik off to school and start the laundry

8:30 Get dressed and give the boys their clothes to get dressed

9:00 Send the boys with their Uncle, switch out the laundry

9:15 Head towards my mom and dad's to water their plants and borrow their vacuum ( seeing as mine has decided to quit working)

9:45 Drop the vacuum at my house and switch out the laundry

10:15 Deliver some display stuff to a lady buying it from me (SHE WASN'T THERE)

10:25 Drop ebay packages off at the post office

10:30 Head to my brothers

11:00 Play with 4 adorable children and eat a fabulous lunch prepared by my brother

12:45 Head to my house to drop off the dog and then off to the dentist to get Ry's first cavity filled

1:30 Arrive at the dentist - I am a nervous wreck, Ry has no clue, he did great and never knew what hit him

2:40 Run home and change out the laudry and drop off the boys for K to babysit while I run back to deliver the stuff from before

2:50 Deliver stuff and run to Safeway

3:20 My phone rings 4 times while I am in Safeway because my 2 big kids can't get along!

3:50 Go to get gas and realize I was getting a 70 cent a gallon discount so I filled up for $1.69 a gallon BEST SURPRISE OF THE DAY!

4:15 Get home and switch out the laundry and unload the groceries and made frozen yogurt pops for dessert after dinner

4:50 Take K to baseball

5:15 Take Mik to swimming and let the boys swim for a few minutes

6:30 Get home and make grilled cheese and tomato soup for dinner

6:45 Eat

7:15 Finish laudry

7:45 Vacuum the main floor

8:00 Put clothes up while Mik is giving the boys a bath

8:15 Read to the boys and put them to bed

8:30 Tuck Mik in bed

8:45 Put my pajamas on and sit down with my husband's laptop to type this

WOW!!! No wonder I am tired tonight! Here's to hoping tomorrow is just as productive.

Quick Update

2009-05-28T19:15:00.000-07:00

My last blog sparked quite the conversation which was fun and interesting. I loved all the comments. Overall, I am pretty confident that whatever I do wrong, God will eventually correct. He is pretty awesome like that.

As far as kid updates, well K still has a girlfriend but really only sees her at school and the texting and phone conversations afterwards. K is doing well in baseball and can not wait for football to start. I have to say I am excited about it also.

Mik, well the earrings have not been an issue nor the other stuff really. I notice everyday she is growing up but it is all a part of the game. She is playing tennis and like it but doesn't love it. She wants to take tumbling again which we will start in the fall as soon as camp is over.

Ry is doing great in baseball. In fact, baseball is all the child wants to do. I think his glove is permenantly attached. We are working on the idea of school next year. He is starting to meet other kids that he will be going to school with, which I think helps.

T is as anry as ever. He seems to continually be mad at me and is rather bold about voicing it. He does not like when I tell him, "no." He loves to color and is really good at it. Also, anything that Ry does, he loves. Big brother is his hero.

We went camping over memorial day weekend and I will post some pictures soon. We had a blast as usual. Fabulous and relaxing weekend.

Camp is quickly approaching and I am getting really excited. We have an incredible staff and lots of campers and more sigining up each day. I am excited to see what God will do this year. Also, we have had some family visit and will have many more family and friends visiting within the next few months. We have enjoyed the visits we've had and are thoroughly looking forward to the ones to come.

Questions: How strict is too strict? Finding the happy medium!

2009-05-05T11:26:00.000-07:00

So, here's a question for anyone who reads this: How strict is too strict? Where is that fine line?

I have 2 kids that are growing up rather quickly. A son who is 13 and a daughter who is 10 and this question has been on my mind a lot lately. We are rather strict on our kids but I also feel that their are times that kids will be kids so where is that fine line.

Girls have become a new interest for K and thus raising several questions. He has asked to do several things with her, like movies, swimming and just hanging out. Our answer has always been yes when in a group and under our supervision or someone that we know and trust. Is that too strict? Or not? I was young not too long ago and remember what it was like to want to do something and being told no. We tried to figure out a way to get around the no! I now know that my parents had my best interest at heart. I know that K is a great kid, but in the same sense my parent's probably thought the same things about me and yet I still made mistakes. So where would you draw the line?

Next, Mik, well the questions from her have been rather simple yet but along the road of growing up. When can I start shaving? Why can't I wear bigger earrings? What's wrong with a little makeup? So far, I keep dodging the first and the third rather well, but the second, well I decided it was a battle where we could meet a happy medium. So instead of buying the big colorful earrings with crystals and flash, we found some medium dangle silver earrings. For her, they are a little big but she likes them and only wears them like once every other week. Is that wrong? I know that some people probably think so but it could be a lot worse. Again, where would you draw the line?

So since I seem to be one of the first of the majority of my friends to have kids going through this, I am curious as to what everyone thinks. Chime in with your thoughts? This is a completely open forum. My disclaimer is take what you agree with and leave what you don't. Only you know what is best for your kids with God's guidance. Opinions and advice are always good to get ideas though. Give me your thoughts!

A short little story

2009-04-30T17:40:00.000-07:00

The other day I took Ry in for his 5 year check up. The doctor went to listen to Ry's heart and T chimes in, "Mommy, God is in our heart!" I just smiled and said yes honey, do you think that the doctor can hear Him? I love the simplicity of a child's thoughts.

By the way, Ry had to get shots and it was horrible. It is the first time I cried when one of my children got shots. He kicked and screamed so loud that I think anyone within a five mile radius heard him. He was truly terrified.

Also, K is now in to the whole girlfriend thing! YIKES!!!! That's all I have to say about that.

Forgiveness and Moving Forward

2009-04-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

My husband and I attended Good Friday services at our church and I am so glad that we did. The entire message was amazing and really made me think about the way I live my life. The entire visual of nailing our transgressions to the cross was amazing. I had never experienced anything like that.

Well, one of my transgressions was laziness. There are certain areas of my life that I tend to be rather lazy.
1. Educating my 2 young ones/home preschool.
2. Housework
3. Getting things done in a timely fashion
God really brought this up front and center. The things that I tend to be the laziest about are not always the most exciting or the easiest but they are tasks that need to be done and will teach me something within the process. So lessons learned are:
1. Patience and endurance and sheer satisfaction when I see their smile when they actually get it.
2. Service and gratitude and submission
3. Much more time to enjoy the finer things in life when you don't procrastinate or waste time.

Another transgression was control. I like to control what is going on around me and when I can't, I get rather frustrated. I go through phases in my life where I do really well at submitting. There are also areas that are rather easy to submit but most definitely other areas and times when it is REALLY REALLY HARD.

There were many others, but these are 2 that I am really trying to work on. So far the sheer satisfaction of getting things done is incredible. Please pray that I continue to focus and improve my attitudes and behaviors in these areas.

What to do with T???

2009-04-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

So last week, I went to my morning bible study at church like I do every week. We were running a little late or right on time and by the time I got T to class or to Uncle Shaun, I should say, I was really late.

T was happily walking into the church and then into his classroom when all the sudden he got to the door and halted....thus the temper tantrum starts. So I try the whole drop and dash which normally works miraculously except this time he was overpowering the poor young helper by opening the door. Thus I take him with me and we have a talk.

Then try again.....except this time he bolts! right out the door and all the way to the other end of the church(we don't have a small church either) So here ensues the dilemma......

I know I can't let him get away with it but yet I can't stop laughing and I can't let him see me laughing. It was one of those moments you either laugh or cry!!! I chose laugh but thankfully it was hard enough it looked like I was crying to him. The best part was that I could not catch him on my own, another lady had to grab him so that I could.

I was so entirely flustered at this point, and his Uncle was there who can usually talk some sense into my child when I am utterly failing, so I took T to him and he let him read in his office so I could go to study. After about 30 minutes, he asked him to take him to class because he was bored. Uuuuggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Granted, I not sure why I am writing this except maybe for the sheer fact that had that happened with child number 1 or 2, I might not have reacted the same way. I have learned that 3 1/2 to 4 years of age is a phase and with it comes certain things (temper tantrums) that will pass. Just as I can not let him get away with everything, the heat of the temper tantrum is not the moment to deal with it. We talked after he calmed and he knew he should not have acted that way but at that age, sometimes kids just don't know how to control their emotions. He will learn and all and all he is a good kid. Just keep teaching, just keep loving, and most of all, just keep praying!

Happy 10th Birthday Mik!!! (yesterday)

2009-04-16T05:12:00.001-07:00

Oh, Mik, you are growing way to fast! I can not believe that you are 10 years old. I remember the day you came into this world 10 years and 1 day ago. You, my first born, changed my life forever. I viewed the world from a different place almost instantly.

Mik, you have a heart of gold. Friends are always surrounding you and I am constantly having to remind you that it is only your job to be as sweet, loyal, and honest as you can to be a good friend. And you can't always make everyone happy. But you most definitely try.

You are the best big sister in the world to Ry and T. And all their friends and your cousins look up to you and love to play with you. School, baby dolls, house, plays, you name it and you play with the boys and their friends. You most defnitely bring out their creative side. As soon as you were old enough to talk, you said you wanted an older brother and who knew that God had that in the plans for you. Even though you sometimes argue, you and K have a great relationship. Anything involving art or drama, you are totally in to. You love to doodle and create artistic pieces. The one below was selected to be displayed at our local mall at an art show. We attended the reception for it last night to kick off your birthday celebration.

Who knew your flair for drama would actually play out in real life. You love to act on stage and are pretty good at it. I look forward to many more years of watching you. It helps to bring out the cultural side in all the men in our house.Your eagerness to learn more about and to follow Christ is inspiring and I pray that you will always grow in your faith. Happy Birthday Mik!!! I pray you continue to grow into a beautiful young women of God.

Fun with the Camera and Mik

2009-04-12T18:28:00.000-07:00

We went to the most beautiful gardens today. It was acres of gorgeous flowers, trees, green grass, ponds, waterfalls, geese, and everything else nature provides. It was God's beauty at it's best. It was the perfect place for pictures and Mik thought she needed to be in all of them. She has always wanted to be a model so she got her opportunity today. Here are just a few of the pics that I loved. I would have loved having a professional camera today.

Just couldn't let me get a picture without her in it. But it turned out really cute!!!

Happy Easter!!!

2009-04-12T18:05:00.001-07:00

So instead of the traditional family dinner and Easter egg hunt, we chose to eat a fabulous brunch out(Thanks to my mom and dad) and then go to a park in the area(again thanks to my mom and dad). It was fabulous. The kids had a blast and so did we. These are a few pics from the hunt.
K had a 10 egg limit, therefore he was taking it easy and only looking for the ones with the money.

As you can see, T had no limit and cleaned up on the egg hunt. He had tons of fun and was more interested in the candy than the money.

Ry did quite well also and he is much more into to money than T. He thinks that a few coins or a dollar bill is the coolest thing in the world right now.

Mik was having tons of fun and was racing K to the money ones.

A few shots of the whole group after the hunt.

We had a great day and I hope that each and every person who reads this, had a wonderful Easter also, for the Lord has Risen today.

T and Putt Putt

2009-04-11T19:15:00.001-07:00

So the kids have been on spring break this week and we have had a couple of beautiful days. We decided to go play putt putt one of the days and had loads of fun. I had more fun laughing with T than anything because, well just watch......

He hits the ball the first time and then basically never stops until he hits it in the hole and then looks up and grins every time saying, "Mom, I made it in the hole!"

I think we all had a great time once we realized there was going to be absolutely no structure at all to the game. It was as they say, "Just for fun." Which was against every competitive bone in the older kids.

Baseball Season Begins

2009-04-09T11:49:00.000-07:00

Both boys had baseball games last weekend and they were great! Except for the fact that the West Texas wind found us here in Maryland and it was freezing!!

This Ry's first your of coach pitch and he and K are both on Oriole's teams.

Ry got to choose his number and he picked 5 just like his daddy and Uncle Wade. He loves playing and is by far the littlest out there but also the most serious. (as you can see by the ready stance)
K is pitching this year and doing great. He also hit one all the way to the back fence in center field this day. I am really surprised this picture turned out because my hands were shaking so bad.There will definitely be more pics to come.

p.s. Don't faint because I am finally posting.

Happy 5th Birthday Ry!!!

2009-03-12T15:22:00.000-07:00

Yes I am a little late but my camera was at my mom's so that is my excuse.

Ry, my sweet dimpled baby boy, you are growing so fast. I found this picture today and oh it really takes me back.You were born with the biggest dimples in the world hence the reason daddy always ask you what those craters are in your face. You just giggle and laugh every time. You also have the bluest eyes and they seem to tell the whole world exactly how you are feeling.

You were born with all the athletic talent in the world (I might be biased). I also think you came out with a baseball in your hand. So this year is rather monumental in the fact that it is the first year you get to play coach pitch baseball. Your first practice was last night and I must say I wanted to cry a couple times. You were so cute out there, a head shorter than everyone else, but with more heart for game than most of the kids. There were a few times that you would look to me for comfort because you did not know any of the kids but all I had to do was give you the reassuring smile and nod and off you went. You are getting soooooo big.

I also had to go register you for school this last week, talk about emotional. The first day of kindergarten is really going to get me. You are sometimes a little shy but your dimples warm your way into everyone's heart.

You are very caring and have the biggest heart for your family and friends.

And even though you are very athletic, you love to sing, play the piano, and even act out plays with your sister. We have always said you will be singing the national anthem before you pitch the first inning of the World Series.This year we had your party at Chuck E Cheese which was quite the experience (NEVER AGAIN). You loved every minute of it though. Stars Wars has become yours and T's new fascination. So upon your request, you got a Yoda cake(or my meager attempt at one) and tons of Star Wars gifts.I am not so sure if you or T were more excited. I think he was just as excited about your birthday and you have been very gracious in sharing.Before we even decided where and when we were having your birthday, you were inviting your friends and telling them you were going to have 5 birthdays because you were turning 5. Well we didn't make it to 5 but we did have 2. Uncle Shaun, Aunt Jen and your cousin hosted a special little party that night before. You were quite pleased with the cake.

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BIG BOY!!!

I Really Want to put a Brick on my Kid's Heads

2009-03-06T19:22:00.000-08:00

I remember growing up and my mom and dad always saying they were going to put a brick on our heads so we would stop growing. I always that they were crazy but with 4 kids of my own, I understand all the reasons they said that.

We tell our kids this all the time and usually it is because we don't want them to grow up. In fact, Ry's 5th birthday is Sunday and I was telling him he had to stop growing just the other day. I said he was getting too big and would not be my little boy anymore. He informed me, "It is OK mom because even though I am turning 5, I still like my snuggles and I will still snuggle with my family." He melted my heart.

The other reason I usually tell my kids I am going to put a brick on their heads is when we go shopping at the change of seasons. We went out today just to look for new shoes for Ry since I realized he was wearing a size and a half too small. Also a few new spring clothes since he had some birthday money to spend. In the process, I decide to measure T's foot realizing his shoes were too small also. Therefore sending me into the whole thought process on each of the kids spring wardrobes. So here is the conclusion: LOTS OF SHOPPING IN THE NEAR FUTURE.

K - Well let's just say he has jumped a few sizes in the last year. Granted he has a few pairs a shorts that he got at the end of the summer last year that still fit. He still needs some new stuff that fits. But in the end he is a teenage boy and wears shorts and t-shirts everyday so he is easy.

Mik - Again, has grown a foot in a matter of no time. I think she might have 1 or 2 pairs of shorts that still fit. As we were trying clothes on today just to see what size she wears. I realized she has skipped a whole size. WHAT????

Ry - Changed a whole size in heigth since last year but not much in the waist so granted shorts still fit but need new shirts. Again he is easy though.

T - Yes T is growing but the great thing about having 2 boys so close together is that T has tons of hand me downs at his disposal.

In the end, it is really not that big of a deal but I totally understand the frustration of cleaning out closets, changing seasons, and shopping for new stuff that might fit. The worst part is having to get rid of clothes that barely were worn because either they grew too fast or they changed their mind (style) after buying the clothes. Another lesson learned, I don't go shopping for the kids without them with me. Even T has a real opinion about what he wears and if they do not like it, it is not worth the hassle of making them wear it. (in most cases)

In the end all these ramblings, boil down to the fact that when see all my children walking around with bricks on their heads, you will know it is not for balance or punishment but the shear fact, I am not ready for them to grow anymore.

P.S. Speaking of growing up, K went to his first dance tonight that he actually wanted to go to. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Ready for Spring but This is What we Get!!!

2009-03-02T09:50:00.000-08:00

Yes folks, it is March 2nd and we are finally getting the snow that we wanted a few months ago.

It snowed 6 to 8 inches of White Fluffy snow and it is beautiful granted a couple of weekends ago, this is what we were doing.

We are very ready for spring but are taking advantage of what was dropped on us last night and this morning. It is not the best sledding snow but it is great for:
EATING!!!
MAKING SNOW ANGELS!!!
Lasting about 5 minutes because the wind feels like ice. T spent more time getting dressed than he did playing but he had fun for the 5 minutes he was out there.

More posts to come this week: (I promise)

1. The wii - our new family entertainment
2. Cute pics of kids
3. Birthday wishes for Ry

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

2009-02-14T09:24:00.001-08:00